30-Day Blog Challange

30-Day Blog Challenge *Day 1*


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What is your name and were you named after anyone?

My name is Reanell for the ones who don’t know.
My name is actually a scramble board of my grandmother’s name… LOL
Her name is Fernella. Just take out the F and move some letters around and there you have my name!!!

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Beauty/Makeup, Random/Updates/Rants

NYX Face Awards Finalists !


nyx

HEY GUYS!!

Have you been keeping up with the NYX Fine Artistry of Cosmetics Elites Awards, also known as the FACE Awards? I sure have! If you haven’t let me give you a quick run down. The FACE Awards is an event created by NYX Cosmetics to not only showcase the thriving YouTube Beauty Vlogger community, but also to give an opportunity to expand and get these top bloggers more exposure, experience and connections with some of the top experts in the beauty industry to help grow their professional and YouTube careers. Continue reading “NYX Face Awards Finalists !”

Natural Hair

My Favorite Styling Products


So I wanted to quickly list some of my favorite styling products (Don’t forget to check out the video as well, HERE!).

Chocolat_Smoothing_Collection

For blow drying, right now I am using the Carol’s Daughter Chocolat Smoothing Line.  I don’t blow dry my hair that often right now, but when I do I do reach for this line. I really have been enjoying. Tip: When using the blow dry cream, DO NOT apply a leave-in conditioner  before applying the blow dry cream. Your hair will feel like it has some build up. The Blow Dry Cream acts as a leave in and heat protectant. If you feel you must apply something before, use a light oil i.e., coconut oil or grapeseed oil. Continue reading “My Favorite Styling Products”

Photos of the Day

Photo of the Day: Birthday Party for Fernando’s Brother


Photo of the Day: Birthday Party for Fernando's Brother

So this weekend we celebrated Fernando’s brother’s Birthday at a club called C.I.C.

Natural Hair

It’s a Reveiw: The “New” Hair Milk Collection from Carol’s Daughter


So you guys know that a rarely switch up on my products and if I do I must be out of the product that I was originally using. So I ran out of my Herbal Essence Hello Hydration conditioner, which I use for co-washing. Now this is an easily accessible item I can find pretty much anywhere. But I was in Macy’s re stocking on my Deep Conditioner from Carols’ Daughter. And I saw she re-vamped the Hair Milk Collection. Continue reading “It’s a Reveiw: The “New” Hair Milk Collection from Carol’s Daughter”

Relationships & Sex

Stay or Go (Part 2 of 2)



Knowing When to Work At Your Relationship P2: Questions to Ask Yourself & Key Signs

In part one I explained how the opportunity to work at your relationship can really only exist, if you’re two people who are potentially right for each other but engaging in behaviours that are counterproductive to the success of the relationship. You both need to be coming from an honest, illusion free place otherwise your efforts will be pointless.

So where do you start? Continue reading “Stay or Go (Part 2 of 2)”

Relationships & Sex

Limited Love?? No Options??


Are you selling yourself short in dating, relationships and in life?

It always amazes me when I see women dwelling on a past relationship; sometimes YEARS after its ended. “You’re behaving like a woman who has no options”.

We as women sometimes act as if your only option is whatever guys you were seeing at the time and believe it is more important to be in a relationship and pursue this feeling of love and validation, than it was to be in a quality relationship. When you aren’t in a relationship, it may sometimes feel like you are just passing time, thirsty to fill up the “vacancy” left by the previous guy. You craved love, strongly seek out validation.

Continue reading “Limited Love?? No Options??”

Secret Letters

Fighting for Validation


Dear Fighting for Validation,

I think I’ve said this before…but, “in order for someone to be jealous of you, you must have something they want”

Continue reading “Fighting for Validation”

Relationships & Sex

Seeking Validation in Relationships


There are a number of issues that are recurring themes in struggling or uncertain relationships and seeking validation is one of them. Women who love emotionally unavailable men spend an incredible amount of time engaged in activities that are supposed to lead to getting the validation that they seek.

While these guys are thinking, “I’m not that bad”, the women that love them are thinking variations of “Tell me that I’m good person of value and that I’m the exception.” It seems every woman wants to be the exception.

 Guys get validation all the time that they’re not as bad as they really are, because the validation comes when they continue to get women and when each of those women accepts their behavior, because they are trying to be the exception!

We all have our values (even if we don’t use them) and they are tied to our beliefs determining what we feel is right and wrong, good and bad.

The only way I can define Seeking validation in relationships, is when you look to get confirmation that something is “true.” This cuts both ways so while you may spend a unreasonable amount of energy trying to get others to confirm that you are a person of value, loveable, a great girlfriend, the best girlfriend, the “one”, the best friend etc., you may also be someone who spends an equally amount of time confirming that negative things that you believe are actually true, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We get involved with people that reflect what we believe about love, relationships, and ourselves.

So if you imagine that someone believes that relationships don’t last, that men disappear and cheat, and that there is something unlovable about her, she’ll get involved with someone who offers the least likely prospect for commitment who is likely to blow hot and cold and disappear or outright abandon her, and who will have a tendency to cheat with other women, hence making what you think to be “true”…True.

She’ll do this because her beliefs mean that she is afraid of actually going out there and committing herself because she’s afraid of it not lasting. Even if she met someone who would probably not do any of these, she wouldn’t believe them.

Despite ending up with someone that reflects her beliefs, she will look for validation by trying to get him to commit and stop disappearing, by staying with him even when he screws around on her or makes it clear that he is pursuing other interests, and by trying to get him to make her the exception to his rule of behavior and treat her with decency so that she can believe she is good enough, VALID, and lovable.

Instead, by this guy continuing his behavior, she’ll think that if she wasn’t flawed and a lovable person, she would have been able to hold onto him because good, lovable people get the guy to make them the exception, so every negative thing she already believes about herself is perpetuated.

That my friend is the self-fulfilling prophecy of seeking validation from people who are fundamentally incompatible with the concept of a healthy relationship. Stop focusing on trying to be the exception and focus on being an exceptional person and attracting an exceptional man…not an less than exceptional man and trying  to make him see how exceptional you are.

Controversial Issues Series

Controversial Series (CS) Topic #1: FGM


WARNING!!! THIS BLOG CONTAINS EXPLICIT CONTENT AND MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN!!!

Usually my blogs are relationship/friendship based, however I wanted to talk about something a little more serious and something that seems to very controversial amongst women (and others). I feel that I have been a person to not judge or bash OTHER counties with their beliefs and cultures. Every culture has a right to do as they please, but there are some point in time, where crossing the line, goes beyond CROSSING THE LINE. For those who don’t know what FGM is; it is procedure that involves partial of total removal of the external female genitalia for non-medical reasons, Female Genital Mutilation. The World Health Organizations (WHO) has offered four classifications of FGM. Type One, removal of the clitoral hood, accompanied by clitoridectomy (removal of the clitoris); Type Two, removal of the clitoris and inner labia minora (which are the two flaps on either side of the vagina); Type Three, removal of all or part of the inner and outer labia, and usually the clitoris as well, and the fusion of the wound, leaving a small hole for passage of urine and menstrual blood. Type Four, usually includes piercing of the vaginal area, or procedures that cut into the vagina to widen it, corrosive substances to tighten it. Type three is the most common in procedure in several countries.

Now that I’ve gotten all the terminology and back ground out the way…

Pretty much FGM is something a lot of countries do to children/pre-teens to “prevent” pre martial sex. This something that takes place before a girl goes through puberty. It can sometimes be done within days of their birth. As one of my favorite vloggers (ToyaBoo) said, “I’m so tired of women having to suffer (sexually and beyond) for the sake of some misogynistic rule or culture…” Which I complete agree. I am not saying whether I support premarital sex or not, because that is neither here nor there. The point is this after this procedure, I woman will NEVER feel sexual pleasure, even after they get married. Now some people will say sex is only meant to be had for the purpose of reproduction only. Which some of these countries are the same countries who allow men to have more than one wife…Which let’s be real, at that point they aren’t just having sex for reproduction. “Rule” is women are meant to be virgins until they get married. But men don’t have to be?? I mean why should women have to continuously suffer…I mean damn, we already have to carry a baby for 9 months and then have to push it out vaginally, not these women have to worry about being mutilated too?? This is bizarre to me.

Now my issue isn’t sorely men vs. women virginity, but I am thinking about the bigger picture, The HEATLH side of it. Imagine being a baby or at most a pre-teen age and having your external vaginal area being removed completely…No really, think about it…usually the process goes after to get it done the tie your legs together so you don’t take big steps, which if you did it would be very painful, as if it’s not painful enough. Imagine having to urinate…PAINFUL!! Some say the recovery never gets better. Not only are they putting you through this as a child, as an adult you must go through the reopening after you have married, so that you can now reproduce. Take a look at the video below, it’ll explain in more detail what these women go through. One woman in the video cannot have kids, which she’ll explain why…

I am not knocking other people’s beliefs, however, physically altering your child’s body so they will not have pre martial sex is absurd to me. What are thoughts and opinions on FGM?? Do you think it should be something that is done all over the world? When talked about this on my twitter (@TotalDivaRea) a few weeks ago and some said, they should start doing this in the US. What are your thoughts on that??

Please comment below and let me know what you think!!

Next Topic: Abortion

Relationships & Sex

Money.Power.Respect.


How should a woman act when she makes more than her significant other w/o making him feel like less of a man?  Now, most people would say, well, just don’t tell him how much you make. Which would be quick easy and to the point…But what if you already past that stage…Sometimes you don’t need to tell someone how much you make for them to figure out that you a little more well off than them…

 

There’s nothing wrong with bringing home more money than you man. These days women are become more and more successful, if not more successful than men.

 

The problem is that I always seem to come across with this is, that I always help them when they need it, but I can never bring myself to ask them for help if I need it or if I do ask them (or when I don’t) they can’t or won’t do for me. 9 times out of 10 they aren’t going to have it and if they do have it then it’ll affect them later or maybe they are just selfish.

 Is it just wrong for a woman to help her man at all…I mean if my man needs a $100 or something, and I have it why not give it to him? But at the same time if I give it to him will he will always expect me to have it. Will it become a trend? How often is too often to ask your significant other for help?

 

I had someone in my past make a comment to me the, they said, “You’re never going to let me help you.” Now I don’t know how I should’ve taken that…Like, it’s not that I don’t want or need their help, but when it’s all said and done…you’re not able to help even if you really  wanted to. And quite frankly I just know when I ask for help it’s for something big and I just know it’s too much.

Which I can understand and that is fine, but is me not asking them belittling them or is me asking and him saying no, going to make him feel bad that he can’t help….it’s a sticky situation.


 I don’t want to come off to strong and too independent because I know man likes to feel needed to some extent, but if u can’t help me, u can’t help right???

It’s interesting to me that men say the love an independent woman. But if you act like you don’t need them, it’s a turn off. I guess there is such a thing called being TOO INDEPENDENT.

As a woman you don’t want to push a man away by him feeling less than you or like I don’t need him but also and you don’t want to lower your standards when it comes to your wants and/or needs…

 

There has to be some safe ground, where both parties are happy.

 

Now the easy answer would be keeping it 50/50. But let’s think about this, the money you make, the more money you spend…It’ll never be 50/50. Let’s say a woman can afford some Mr. Chou’s and you guy can only afford TGI Friday’s…should you lower your standards and go to Friday’s and bite the bullet. Now personally I love Friday’s. (Jack Daniel’s sauce is to die for), but on occasion I love dressing up and going to a nice restaurant that is out of the ordinary. I quite frankly I wouldn’t mind paying for my partner, however I don’t want to feel like I am giving more than I am receiving.  Granted a genuine person doesn’t give just to receive, but I mean really, there are some expectations when it comes to a relationship…There’s always going to be someone doing and giving more if you’re in that situation.

 

It’s all about compromise. Sometimes it’ll be him taking you out, sometimes you’ll be taking him out…but really if you’re in a real 50/50 situation, neither you nor the other person will even realize that you’re giving or getting more. Now if you realize that you’re giving more (which is usually because the other person is never giving and always receiving), you’re probably being used PERIOD. My advice if you make more, don’t change up your routine because you’re dealing with someone who makes less. To me if a man sees his woman doing well, it’ll encourage him to do even better. If you see him not changing or trying to grow himself, it may be time s to have a conversation. You don’t want to feel used or unappreciated in any relationship, so you need to find some common ground, even if that means setting some ground rules about your expenses. Hopefully no one’s situation ever gets to that point of setting rules, but if it does you can’t be afraid to put you foot down, because believe me, it’ll only make you unhappy.