Relationships & Sex

Signs That You Don’t Want to Be Happy…


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  • You keep becoming involved with emotionally unavailable men.
  • You keep taking on the role of being The Side Chick, The Other Woman, or whatever the kids are calling it these days. LOL
  • You go out with the Ass Hole Or the “Bad Boy” because you think they are more exciting.
  • You keep dating the same ‘type’ that makes you feel miserable and sometimes less than.
  • You meet a, “nice guy” who wants to treat you right and invest time in you and you say they are “Too Nice” or claim that it must be a front.
  • You want to be in a steady, committed relationship but keep sleeping around or being used sexually by guys, which eventually just breaks down your self esteem even more, which in return stops you from getting the relationship you may want (and deserve).
  • You get the opportunity to break up with the guy that is mistreating you, but you eventually take him back because you don’t value yourself enough and think it’s better to be with him, than starting all over.
  • You truly believe that it’s better to settle with anybody, than be alone.

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Relationships & Sex

Stay or Go (Part 2 of 2)



Knowing When to Work At Your Relationship P2: Questions to Ask Yourself & Key Signs

In part one I explained how the opportunity to work at your relationship can really only exist, if you’re two people who are potentially right for each other but engaging in behaviours that are counterproductive to the success of the relationship. You both need to be coming from an honest, illusion free place otherwise your efforts will be pointless.

So where do you start? Continue reading “Stay or Go (Part 2 of 2)”

Relationships & Sex

Limited Love?? No Options??


Are you selling yourself short in dating, relationships and in life?

It always amazes me when I see women dwelling on a past relationship; sometimes YEARS after its ended. “You’re behaving like a woman who has no options”.

We as women sometimes act as if your only option is whatever guys you were seeing at the time and believe it is more important to be in a relationship and pursue this feeling of love and validation, than it was to be in a quality relationship. When you aren’t in a relationship, it may sometimes feel like you are just passing time, thirsty to fill up the “vacancy” left by the previous guy. You craved love, strongly seek out validation.

Continue reading “Limited Love?? No Options??”

Relationships & Sex

Starting & Maintaining a New Relationship


“The best way to love is to love like you have never been hurt.”

Since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner I figured I write something that is positive and inspirational for people looking for love, found a new love, or even those who are trying to keep a love burning strong. Even those this is geared towards new relationships, it can relate to everyone, no matter what kind of situation you are in.

Starting new romantic relationships can be tricky. If you’ve been single for a while before this relationship, it may be hard for you to incorporate another person in your life. It may be hard for to break habits from a past relationship that you were used to.  There are so many things that hold people back from having a successful relationship. I’ve had my share of failed relationships. Some of them were my fault, some of them weren’t. But what I can say after dating someone, I always take something out of that relationship and learn from it. They only way to really know what you want and don’t want, are through experiences. Of course we all want someone that is loyal, faithful, stable, etc. But how do you get to that point and further if you don’t even know how to begin to maintain a relationship.  Believe me I am no expert on relationships, but I pay attention and learn from my past relationships to help make my new relationships better. It takes time and it may take a couple of tries and couple of heartbreaks, but eventually you’ll get there. I know that I am there yet…But I know I am more than capable of getting there now than before. So I just want to share with you guys some things that I’ve learned and things that I feel can help you maintain a new relationship.

 

First things first, avoid game playing (or keep it to a minimum). I know we women love having a man run around and chase us a bit. But let’s be serious, they aren’t going to chase you forever and if they do, when you do stop running you’ll realize that you’ve should’ve kept running because now you landed yourself a passive aggressive man. Someone you can walk all over. Which when you are look to settle down, isn’t someone you want to be with. Playing cat and mouse is cute, but not for long. Stop for a minute and get to know the person. If you start playing games more than likely the relationship will become distorted due to manipulated outcomes, and it will end before it barely began.

 

Secondly, Lose the Ex. If there is an ex still around, get rid of them. ASAP. Having an ex in the background, screams baggage, you may not be over them, issues and just a plain out headache. Don’t allow tensions with the ex or in some cases a cozy friendship with an ex to be the detriment of your relationship. When you have an ex close by, it is easy for your partner to assume that you’re not over them, or they aren’t over you in some way. Most people keep exes around as place holders or just because it’s familiar (or both). But remember, Exes are exes for a reason, and there is no room for them in your new relationship. And if you ex is someone who you also had a child with…you NEED to make it known to them that you are in a relationship, and take a step back from doing those relationship like things that you were still doing even after yall broke up b/c you were single and comfortable. You need to make known not only verbally but also with change in action that you are in a relationship. If you don’t, they won’t take your relationship you are in seriously and leads them to believe they can disrespect your new partner and can possibly cause drama down the line. If you do date someone else when you have child, Understand that is now your job reassure the person you are with that there is nothing between you and them. And reinerate to your ex that you have seriously moved on from them.

Live your life. Just because you start dating a person, doesn’t mean you just roll over the next day and stop having your own life. Don’t fall into the “trap” of sacrificing your own life and neglecting your friends, family or even work, just because you met someone.  Having your own life and not instantly depending on your partner gives off good vides that you are independent and personally happy.

 

Make time for your relationship. People have a habit of going from one extreme to another. They either are too dependent or have this “You don’t own me attitude” *rolls neck, snaps fingers* and seek to carry on with their own lives as if the partner doesn’t exist. It is definitely possible to have a relationship, career, family and friends. It is called balance. As a relationship grows, you tend to increase the time you spend with you partner, and if you want it to progress, you need to let your partner in.

 

Try and stick to arrangements. If you said you were going to call, then call. Also don’t do standing up, or rolling up late all the time. This creates unnecessary tensions and creates insecurity. Be respectful of each other’s time. Just like you were busy doing something else, they could’ve been doing something else, instead of waiting you. Sticking to plans and arrangements, shows you have a healthy level of respect for each other.

 

Get to you know your partner, OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Having sex is great, but if you want a relationship to grow into something more and actually survive you need to be doing more than just laying up in the bed.  Spend time just hanging out, talking and building a SOLID connection. This also at the end of the day enhances sexual chemistry.

 

Acknowledge and confront any red flags immediately. When we start new relationships we tend to focus on it being new and fresh and everything always seems perfect in the beginning. But TRUST ME when I say that things you fight about (or eventually break up over) are often things that could’ve been easily found out in the early stages of the relationship, if you only had opened your eyes. Don’t be afraid to call them out on behavior that you are not comfortable with. A person that’s wants a future with you will respect how you feel. I have been guilty of this in the past, I get so blinded by everything else and then down the line I’m like, “Damn I wish I would’ve known he was like this from the beginning.” But you know what, they were, I just wasn’t paying attention. But now, in my current relationship I speak my mind freely. If I don’t like something, or I feel that certain behaviors is inappropriate or not to my liking, better believe I am letting it be known. Bottom line is if they don’t know you have a problem with something, they won’t know to change it. And if they aren’t willing to change it, its time you move on.

 

Remember the little things matter. It’s not just the big gestures, but complimenting each other, phone calls out of the blue just to say they miss you. Remembering that special thing they like to eat and surprising them with it, breakfast in bed. Just be thoughtful. Don’t always expect them you bring bells and whistles with everything; quite frankly no one has the time or money for all of that, ALL THE TIME.  So learn to appreciate the small things and learn to give a little yourself. Don’t just take. Give.

 

Be as nice as you really are. Don’t pretend to be nicer than you really are, I mean really just be yourself. Don’t try and go overboard doing things and saying yes to things, because you don’t want to lose the person, because you tire yourself and the real you will come out and they will feel bamboozled. Don’t be so much of a giver that you start to feel resentful and start focusing on who’s giving and taking in the relationship. BE YOURSELF!!

 

Put both feet forward! Relationships do not bloom with one foot out the door.  You’re either in or you’re out.

 

Leave the drama at the door. I have had my share of bad relationships, but what I have learned is to DO NOT bring that situation into a new relationship. Yes I did say learn from your past, but don’t bring that attitude you ended with from your last relationship into your new one. They haven’t even done anything. Don’t assume they are going to cheat on you because the last person did. If you spend most of your time being bitter, negative and cynical, there’s no point of you being in a relationship.

 

Those are just a few things I’ve come up with.

 

Thanks for reading!!

 

Follow Me: @TotalDivaRea

Relationships & Sex

“All I want is you…NOW”


Why is it that after a relationship ends, for whatever reason, the other person all of a sudden they realize they’ve made a huge mistake? They now come back to ask for you forgiveness and a second chance to make it up to you.

I know there’s a quote out there: “If you love something let it go if it is meant it will come back.” But what I don’t understand is, why should I have to let go what I love, just for it to come back? Why can’t people just get it right the first time??

 

Now I’m sure many of us have been in this situation, I know I have, what did you do? Did you take them back? For me, I have in the past, but as I got older I guess you can say I’ve learned not to.

Not because I didn’t think they’ve changed or because I no longer cared about them. But to me, I real man, recognizes a real woman and wouldn’t dare let that go. You know left the door open for someone else to swoop down…

Now I do agree that some people deserve a second chance, but sometimes you can’t rely on that second chance or let people know that you’re open to second chances. So you have to make the best of the situation that is front of you when it’s there. You know how some people say, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity…That’s how I personally look at relationships. We aren’t guaranteed another day, or another chance.

Even though I feel that way, It doesn’t stop me from the “what ifs.” What if I could’ve given him that second chance? Would things have worked out? MMMM…maybe, maybe not; but that wasn’t a chance I was willing to give.

 

To me, once we’re over, we’re over…I am all about second chances, but I am only willing to give those to someone I am committed to and an ex boyfriend looking for a second chance isn’t someone I am committed to. Maybe I was at one point I was, but not now. I mean I guess if you really love someone, you’ll take them back….Right???

I can forgive someone, but it doesn’t mean I have to take them back.

 

Why are there so many games when it comes to love? Is it is so hard for some people to see what they have, when they have it?

 

Do you give second chances when it comes to love???

Relationships & Sex

Passion is Always Needed


Women are emotional & passionate creatures. Men seem to be scared of that sometimes. They are scared of our passion, which always seems to be too much. So my question is: What the Hell is too passionate?

Relationships are hard. Some people don’t care to understand that 2 people are coming together. Together so that we can share ideas, and understand the other person’s thinking as way of life and then finding away to mesh it into one.

Some people grow together in a relationship. Some people grow apart. The people who grow together are the people who understand this concept. People who grow apart who people who basically live with making enough effort with each other to understand each other.

To be in a relationship you can’t be selfish in your own ways. You have to expand and experience your partner’s likes, even if you don’t like it, it’s a compromise. Relationships are all about compromise. People can be so selfish and lose the idea of what a relationship is all about. This is where arguments and fights start. Now don’t get me wrong, people will always have disagreements. But if you see you having the same argument over and over again, you may need to re-evaluate your relationship.

Now back to passion…

Why be in a relationship if you’re not going to be passionate about it? If you’re going to be in a relationship why only give 40-50 percent Now if I going to go out of my way and call someone my boyfriend and basically promise to be loyal and faithfully to him…That’s right I going to give 100 percent. If I didn’t want to give my all, then I would just be single and date around…excuse me if I take being a relationship seriously…If I’m not going to take it seriously, again, Y be in a relationship???

Relationships are 50/50 a , 2 way street…If you’re not willing to let someone in your life then be single, but eventually that shit gets lonely. So if you really want to be in a relationship take is serious, don’t waste your time on someone you don’t see yourself with in the long run, because honestly you won’t put in as much effort to keep that relationship going if you know you have no intention on it going anywhere. If you go hard! Of course you do hold back something…But put your best foot forward, so at least if it doesn’t work out, you know it’s not because you did something wrong and you gave 100 percent into something you care about?

 

Why is it that people can give 100 percent in a career they truly want, but hesitate to give 100 percent to a relationship you truly want?? Both are life changing scenarios and neither one are guaranteed? But why do meaningful relationships get put to the back burner??

 

Real Love calls for Real Passion.

Relationships & Sex

Where is all this going???


Have you started to catch feelings for someone you know you shouldn’t? Or someone you just knew was not into serious relationships? 


This question is mostly to the guys, girls can answer too, but to be honest, as females we tend to be a lot more emotional than guys…

 

When you are just “dating” someone, no commitment or anything like that, it’s just casually dating, how do you not catch feelings for that other person? 

Most female, or better yet any female worth having, after a certain amount of time (which can vary quite often…depending on the intensity or lack thereof, in the situation) there comes a point where that “conversation” comes up. You know the conversation…that awkward conversation about “where is this all going”…like is this leading to a relationship, and if so, when…or if it’s not…do you go your separate ways or just continue until someone gets hurt or too deep involved where they can’t take it anymore and yall just end everything on bad terms…like I think there’s a point in a “situation” where you can speak on stuff like that without the someone’s feelings getting hurt and that’s if your honest about it and how and why you feel a certain way, and move forward with a relationship or just remain good friends…b/c there does come a point where the you have to hit reality and separate from the physical relationship and look deeper…I mean that’s if you looking for a serious or more committed or exclusive situation…even if there’s no title…..

Now if both parties aren’t not looking for a relationship at the time of that “conversation” (which is rare that both parties wouldn’t be looking for a relationship or the conversation would have never came up) then you like I said it can continue on until someone gets deeper involved and attached…especially when sex is involved…but whose ever really looking for a relationship, you go with the flow right…yea but sometimes the waves are more than you can handle…

 

You ever realize after you have sex with someone (GOOD SEX, that is), things change, all of a sudden you become kind of…it’s almost animalistic…like how dogs urinate on a tree, after that they don’t any other dog coming to pee on “their tree” But in actuality, whose tree is it really? There’s no guaranteed that some other spiteful ass dog will come along and pee on it too…right?…Weird analogy I know. But think about for a minute. Just like in real [human] life, just b/c I’m F***ing someone today….doesn’t mean they won’t be F***ing someone else tomorrow…and that has to bother a person to some extent…No one voluntarily wants to share the goods, unless there was some kind of agreement on both parties.

Basically the point of this is to ask 1 thing:

When and/or how soon is the right time to have that awkward where is the relationship going conversation? Or does there even have to be one?