30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 1

Today’s Topic/Question: What do I need more of in my life?

So going into day one, I am going to write this as if I would my actual private journal. I want this to be as raw as possible. So don’t grammar check me in the comments section! I said I was going to be as open as I can (while still maintaining some sense of privacy, depending on the context of the question). But overall, I am an open book and lucky for you guys it helps that I am single so I really don’t have to worry about protecting a “partner’s” privacy as well.

But today’s question is something I’ve actually thought about over the past 2-3 years in general, which ultimately once I understood what exactly I needed, the answer to this question aided me in ending my previous relationship.

What do I need more in life?

Love, Money, Support, Spontaneity!! (And in that order)

Simple answer right? Oh y’all wanted an explanation? LOL I got you…

Love, So let me be more specific. I have Love in my life, friends, family & you guys! But what I mean by love I mean a romantic love. Now, I have been enjoying being single, but I’ll never sit here and say I don’t enjoy relationships and who I am in them. I also understand if/when that happens for me again, It’ll be the last time I’ll commit. I got one more good relationship in me…After that…Who knows. But I think I’ve reached a place of Self-Love, Self-Worth and spent the last 2 years Self-Reflecting, where I know I am ready for that when the opportunity presence itself again. We are always working on ourselves and meeting new people can show you more of what you want out of life, so I understand that I may not just FALL right into another relationship, but I am open to learning and growing with someone.

Money, I mean does this really need an explanation? More Money TO ME means, one less stressor. And that’s on that. Granted having more money will bring on a different stressor, but I think I’ve out grown the latter, like ok, I get it I know what it like to live paycheck to paycheck, what’s next?

Support, I mean now I have a GREAT support system right now. Thank GOODNESS for my mother! My Nia is spending the next year in St. Croix and that is amazing!! And I am beyond thankful & grateful!! She getting the RED JELLO for real (inside joke amongst my parents!) Support with my business someone who understands what I need to get done and who will push me and encourage me, obviously I can encourage myself, and my friends as well, but it’s nothing like having that one person in your corner cheering you on. Also If I think long term or into the near future, Nia will be back…LOL and as a single mother, sometimes things get so crazy you will definitely lose track of taking care of you. It gets tough and it’s nothing like having that person. I didn’t go through postpartum depression, but I feel like I may have gone through depression in general when she was around 2, being overwhelmed and unhappy. So having an intact support system is not only something I want more of, but I think it is necessary for my mental health in the long run.

Spontaneity, THIS!!! This is just something I crave!! It not something I get often! AT ALL. I think it is just something I need. Not all the time, but just a lot more of. Wether is a random last minute date or a random weekend getaway…JUST LOVE a good surprise and spontaneous behavior at times, especially since I am baby free so it’s more realistic right now!

Now at the end of the day, happiness is not by seeking more, but to learn to enjoy less, so that when you do get more, you appreciate it more. So I’ve learned to just enjoy what I have (right now), but keeping in mind what there is something greater. What is for me will be for me and when it’s my time I’ll just make sure I stay ready so I can accept that!! I am sure my opinion of that statement may change and what I want will change, but for now…Not sure If I answered this correctly, but those are the things that came to mine.

What can you think of that you want more out of life?


Secret Letters

Intro to “Letters” Section

Sometimes you need to get things of your chest and sometimes the person you need to express your feelings to aren’t around or isn’t someone you know directly, or you just my want to get your opinion out about something without being interrupted. So…I decided to start a section of my Blog called “Letters”. Sometimes it may be a letter to a type of person  as a whole groups i.e., Users, Cheaters, Singles, Couples, Exes, etc. Sometimes it may to be a direct person…who I will of course keep anonymous. There’s really no need to say names in these letters because HONESTLY these letters aren’t necessarily  “for them” it’s for me to relief negativity within myself because I let everything out on the blog [in the letter]. You know that moment when you want to scream/cry/yell, but you just can’t.

Of course not EVERYTHING will be negative. Sometimes it’ll be me expressing my appreciation to someone who did something nice to me that was as stranger that i’ll probably never see again, sometimes it’ll be me expressing my love to someone like my boyfriend, friend, mother, etc. Even though I can and do express it to them directly its nice to be able share those experiences with you guys. You never know whose heart you are touching, OR a wake up call you may be giving someone. THis of this as my open diary…

BUT A little twist I want to include is….I would like you guys to participate.

If you have something you would like to get off your chest just about a group of people or a particular person, please send me the letter you would write to them and I will post it. PLEASE DO NOT include full government names (First Name/Nicknames/Code Names ONLY).

A BRIEF Example of how letter should read:

Dear Angry Wife,

Just so you know, I’m not the one you should be mad at. I didn’t start flirting with your husband. I didn’t try to get him to sleep with me. He pursued me for many months.

To be honest, I felt sorry for him. He painted such a bleak picture of his home life. He said you never spent time with him, had no interest in sex, and acted like you hated everything about him.

BLAH BLAH BLAH….Personally, I really don’t know YOU. But, he seemed so sweet and sincere, so kind and funny. He has a way of just pulling a person in…..but you know that, don’t you? BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH …….Oh, and, worry about that girl you KNOW. She and her husband have been meeting you at the football games for years. Your husband has had a crush on her, and talks to her daily. He even told her about ME. She is probably thinking “what a poor baby” just about now. Just like I used to……BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Deepest sympathies,

The Ex-Other Woman

See, Simple.

It can be long, short, whatever.

So let’s get this ball rolling.

Please send Letters to: letters@totaldivarea.com

To see my first posting, Click Here.