Relationships & Sex

Stay or Go (Part 2 of 2)



Knowing When to Work At Your Relationship P2: Questions to Ask Yourself & Key Signs

In part one I explained how the opportunity to work at your relationship can really only exist, if you’re two people who are potentially right for each other but engaging in behaviours that are counterproductive to the success of the relationship. You both need to be coming from an honest, illusion free place otherwise your efforts will be pointless.

So where do you start? Continue reading “Stay or Go (Part 2 of 2)”

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Relationships & Sex

Limited Love?? No Options??


Are you selling yourself short in dating, relationships and in life?

It always amazes me when I see women dwelling on a past relationship; sometimes YEARS after its ended. “You’re behaving like a woman who has no options”.

We as women sometimes act as if your only option is whatever guys you were seeing at the time and believe it is more important to be in a relationship and pursue this feeling of love and validation, than it was to be in a quality relationship. When you aren’t in a relationship, it may sometimes feel like you are just passing time, thirsty to fill up the “vacancy” left by the previous guy. You craved love, strongly seek out validation.

Continue reading “Limited Love?? No Options??”

Relationships & Sex

…Serial Realtionship Cutter…


I always see people who are completely overwhelmed by rejection or repeatedly throwing themselves under the same rejection bus because they don’t want to deal with the pain of accepting someone’s choice in another person. They think they can make one or a number of rejections right by trying to get this person to validate them and unfortunately end up experiencing even more pain. These are the people who live by that rule, “fight for what you want.” But think about it, you are fighting for this person, and they are fighting for someone else. You can’t fight a battle with someone who isn’t in the same fight.

 

When you participate in unavailable relationships, it’s like you’re seeking validation in order to gain an overall retraction that would right the wrongs of the past, or if you keep going back in no matter how crappy a capacity to a poor or even non-existent relationship, you’re trying to get them to retract the rejection. Bottom line, they won’t. It’s you who needs to retract your own rejection. This type of behavior is what I like to call, a serial realtionship cutter. Even though you know it hurts, you keep doing it because you haven’t reached the goal you THINK you need to.

 

 

This retraction you’re seeking is not going to cause the doors of heavens to open or angels to even sing. No announcements will go out, no nothing. Yes you’ll know it’s there, yes you will have achieved your aim, but it’s really all for your own ego and if your purpose is to satisfy your ego, you’ll actually be better off doing it yourself. As many people can attest to, often after getting the holy grail of apologies, or telling them about themselves, or even ‘winning’ them back, it’s a major let down.

 

Many people seek retraction from an ex because we are worried about what people will think about the end of the relationship. You start wondering what he told his friends about why you broke up. Did he give the right reason? Did he say it my fault?? But people are going to think what they want to think no matter what you do, so the best thing that you can do is not give away all of your power.

Don’t use ‘rejection’ to make judgments about you. You have better things to do than crawl inside their mind. You could focus on trying to force them to change their mind, but really, if you’re that bothered, you’ve already made a judgment about yourself and it’s actually your own mind that you need to change. You don’t need to wait for them to change their mind, for you to change your mind. You managed to survive for however many years before they came along – there’s no way in hell that you shouldn’t be able to handle your own identity.

You cannot control everyone else’s minds – people like thinking about themselves!

 

Stop putting all your energy into someone who is not willing to put all their energy into you…They are unavailable. They aren’t unavailable against their will; they are unavailable to you because they want to be. Stop looking seeking validation, accept the rejection and move on. Stop seeking for someone to change their mind, if they want to change their mind, you breathing down their neck is not going to speed up the process and that’s if the process is even meant to happen. Stop re-opening the same wound over and over again. Give it time to heal and move on.

 

Relationships & Sex

Love, Honesty, Respect (Some food for thought)


Ever been a relationship, where you feel like the other person isn’t completely on your side?? I mean really think about it. That moment when they stop supporting you because you always say the things they need to hear, but don’t want to hear. I feel that a lot of people who have ties to the exes in some way whether it be children, money, marriage, or anything else that would cause them to still be in your life, they tend to always choose their feelings over yours…sometimes directly, but usually indirectly….very passive aggressive. Now know when you have ties with someone, someone usually still has feelings, BUT, if you decided to move on, then that’s what it is.

Now I am not one to purposely hurt someone’s feelings, but if I had to choose between anyone’s feelings to hurt it would have to be my past and not my present relationship. When a man or woman is not capable of respecting their current relationship b/c “fear” or hurting someone’s feelings (especially an ex) they aren’t really someone who needs to be in a relationship with anyone else. Their partner will forever feel second or not as important, which is just a recipe for disaster. People say, “Well if you’re secure in you your position why worry about an ex?” But at some point it is your partner’s job to make you a priority and make YOUR feelings a priority over someone who is from their past. No matter how confident a man or woman is, they still has some insecurities and still needs some to reassure then at times.

“…I’m someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love…” ~ Carrie, Sex in the City

Love is not something you feel only when you are around that person. Respect is not something you only give when you are around you partner. Honesty is not something you only give when you are around your boy/girlfriend or when you get caught. Love is felt all day, every day. And if you don’t feel it all day, every day, then you aren’t really in love. Respect is given and shown, even if that person isn’t there to see you giving it. If you don’t respect them or their feelings when they are not around, you don’t really respect them, you actually take them for granted. Honesty is given and shown to your partner and anyone trying to come between that all the times. When you do things and know it is wrong for whatever reason, you are being dishonest, disrespectful and showing how much you don’t truly love your partner…

Being in a relationship can really suck if you never feel like your partner is on your side, or if you’re with someone who always tries to justify their “inappropriate” behavior…So step back and recognize, you deserve someone who Loves you ALL DAY… Respects you ALL DAY, and someone who is Honest with you ALL DAY..without hestitation and without explination…

 

This is just a real quick food thought…