Relationships & Sex

Is Honest Really Important?


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Most people love to talk about the importance of honesty in their relationship. Bout how many people actually practice it. How many of us are truly honest with our partner?

 

To some, honest is looked at as something most people can’t handle, just lip service. It is the first thing to give way when in light of a crisis. For example, if someone gets caught cheating, is the 1st impulse to come clean and admit the wrong doing? or is it to try and soften the blow and fabricate the cheating to make it seem less than?

But at the end of the day no matter how much people think you can’t handle it or how hard it can be to hear, honesty in a relationship is valuable and we should make it our business to keep it alive, no mater how much it may hurt the other person. The longevity & strength of a relationship depends on it.

The most important reason being honest in a relationship is that it stimulate trust and integrity.

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Relationships & Sex

Signs That You Don’t Want to Be Happy…


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  • You keep becoming involved with emotionally unavailable men.
  • You keep taking on the role of being The Side Chick, The Other Woman, or whatever the kids are calling it these days. LOL
  • You go out with the Ass Hole Or the “Bad Boy” because you think they are more exciting.
  • You keep dating the same ‘type’ that makes you feel miserable and sometimes less than.
  • You meet a, “nice guy” who wants to treat you right and invest time in you and you say they are “Too Nice” or claim that it must be a front.
  • You want to be in a steady, committed relationship but keep sleeping around or being used sexually by guys, which eventually just breaks down your self esteem even more, which in return stops you from getting the relationship you may want (and deserve).
  • You get the opportunity to break up with the guy that is mistreating you, but you eventually take him back because you don’t value yourself enough and think it’s better to be with him, than starting all over.
  • You truly believe that it’s better to settle with anybody, than be alone.

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Relationships & Sex

Stay or Go (Part 2 of 2)



Knowing When to Work At Your Relationship P2: Questions to Ask Yourself & Key Signs

In part one I explained how the opportunity to work at your relationship can really only exist, if you’re two people who are potentially right for each other but engaging in behaviours that are counterproductive to the success of the relationship. You both need to be coming from an honest, illusion free place otherwise your efforts will be pointless.

So where do you start? Continue reading “Stay or Go (Part 2 of 2)”

Relationships & Sex

The Cheating Curve…


“…Someone’s definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.” ~ Carrie, Sex and the City (Season 2, episode 6)


Being in a relationship is hard work. It takes dedication and commitment. Now, if you aren’t willing to be dedicated and committed, my advice to you is don’t get in a relationship. Now I know cheating happens. The act of cheating exists just as much as the act of getting caught. My question is what constitutes cheating? This varies between people. What is considered cheating for me may not be for the same thing for the next person.

I consider cheating anything that you wouldn’t want done to you. Is kissing cheating? YES! Is dirty dancing cheating? Yes! Is professing your love to another person cheating?? YES! Is writing love letter to another person cheating?? Yes! I can go on and on. Now some people may disagree with me (and mostly likely it’ll be men). But let’s think about it, I am sorry but if I saw my man bumping and grinding on some other girl that would irk me! Now men sit back and think a minute; if you saw your girl backing it up and grinding on another man, you can’t say that wouldn’t bother you. No matter how “secure” you may be in a relationship. At the end of the day, just because you are “secure” in your relationship it doesn’t give you (or your partner) do whatever you (or they) want. There has to be some level of respect, A HIGH level of respect.

I also consider cheating anything you wouldn’t do or say in front of your significant other. If you are purposely not saying or doing things in front of them, that means you know it’s wrong. Would you call another person Babe or Honey in front of your partner? Would you kiss another person in front of your partner? If you have to sneak around, change passwords, hide things…It’s cheating and the person who’s doing these things knows they are being deceitful. Others believe, cheating isn’t cheating, unless you get caught…

Some in relationships are bending the rules, but whose rules are you following?? Every has their own rules when it comes to their own relationships, but you have you find someone whose rules are the same as your…But personally, I feel like people have found ways to disguise cheating by calling it something else, But whatever you decide to do in a relationship and whatever “cheating curve” you decide to have in your relationship (or NOT have), make sure it is something that is agreed upon before making anything official. But honestly, when it comes to love you can only bend the rules but so far.

Relationships & Sex

The Dilemma


So it’s been a minute since I written a “relationship blog” and I’ve actually been working on this one for a few weeks, and seeing someone that I am subscribed to talk about this, made me want to finish writing it.

A few months ago (maybe even last year some time…LOL), a friend of mine Dianne (Make sure you go check out her Natural Hair Blog: http://dbld17.tumblr.com/) posted a question on the Facebook:  If you friend’s boyfriend/girl friend is cheating on them, should you tell your friend?  And it got me to thinking, would I tell my friend if they were being cheated on.

Now at first thought I’m like HELL YEA you should tell. Then I really think about, Ok Maybe I should just hint at the idea? I mean if it were me I would want someone to tell me right? Some people think, well if I tell then I’ve just ruined a relationship. If I tell, my friend is just going to think I’m hating or jealous. Now If I don’t tell I am lying to my friend. If I don’t tell then I’m letting her stay in a relationship where someone is just treating her wrong. You know with all the WHAT IFS and conclusion at the end of the day YOUR FRIEND IS BEING CHEATED ON. And quite frankly, if my friend knew and didn’t tell me, I would be pissed; and if my friend told me and I didn’t believe them, then found out on my own, I’m going to wish I listened to my friend. At least as a true friend you did the right thing by telling them, especially if you know FOR SURE their partner is dipping out on them. I wouldn’t go to my friend with an assumption. But regardless don’t you just hate to be the bearer of bad news??

We as women, we drive off of emotion. We have an instinct; we kind of get that feeling when someone is being deceitful to us. Sometimes we confront it; sometimes we are in denial, sometime we need someone to give us a reality check. My point in saying that is, your friend may already know or at least have a feeling. (Now if it is a man, he’s probably completely clueless…LOL…Just joking). The thing about telling a friend something like this, you have to be SURE. You can’t just go, “Oh I saw your boyfriend is cheating on you with this girl in the Mall. It could’ve been cousin, a friend, and aunt, niece. But at the same time, that information may give you friend more reason to question their partner and that just may be just enough to get the ball rolling and have you friend ask questions.

Maybe telling you friend directly isn’t the answer. Have you ever seen that movie, The Dilemma with Vince Vaughn (“Ronny” in the movie) and Kevin James (“Nick” in the movie)? Ronny initially confronts Geneva (Winona Ryder) and tells her to tell Nick about she has been doing behind his back. Of course that plan kind of back fired because she in returned had some dirt on Ronny. In the movie he went to extreme lengths to catch her again, which is way too much stress for the average person, so I definitely wouldn’t recommend that route. However, maybe confronting the person who is cheating may a route to go. It may scare them enough that you’ll tell and come clean to your friend themselves.

Bottom line, it is a very hard position to be in. Whether you want to tell your friend, they their man that you know, keep it to yourself and hope for the best, whatever options you think you have, go with your gut. You may lose a friend, you may not; but do what you think is right. Remeber, your loyalty is ALWAYS to your friend.

As for what I would do, honestly I have no idea. I think for me it would depend on which friend it is. But for the most part I think I would tell…ok maybe just hint at the idea, like, ‘hey I saw your man at the mall with some girl, was that his cousin?” LOL No but seriously, what would you do??

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Looking forward to reading your responses…

Relationships & Sex

Quickie: By: Prostitute or Relationship?


Ok so “Quickes” are new to you all. Quickies are basically are shorter blogs, things on my mind that I want to share with you all really quick.

So I was listening to the radio the other morning and they asked a question, would a woman rather her boyfriend cheat on her with a prostitute or someone they are holding an emotional relationship with? So first of, No woman wants to be cheated on, its WRONG and either way your spending money on someone who’s not me…But let’s say I had to choose….MMMMM don’t laugh, but I’m going to say a prostitute. I’m going to tell you my reason why, Now don’t get me wrong, I have reasons why I wouldn’t want a prostitute either…LOL…and I tell you why as well.

A prostitute is looking for one thing…to get paid. They aren’t looking for a commitment. They aren’t going to try and talk to your man into breaking up with me. When you are emotionally connected to someone, ultimately you’ve been considering breaking up with me for someone else. And if you aren’t, the person you’re cheating on me with is looking for something more as well, and will definitely talking you into leaving me for them. Now if they know nothing about me, then this doesn’t apply of course.

So people may say, well a prostitute you can be exposed to STD’s and stuff. Well, most legit prostitutes use condoms every time, no exceptions for any John. If you think about it the person who you are emotionally connected to is going to be someone that you more than likely have unprotected sex with.

Bottom line: cheating is NEVER OK. But this was a hypothetical question. And if I had to choose sorry to say I choose a Prostitute. LOL What would you choose? Why?