Relationships & Sex

Reloaded:You Ain’t My Momma!!


Wrote this blog a while ago! But some of my feelings have changed. At the time I wrote this, I was in the situation (and still am). People say you’ll never understand until you are in the situation, and being in the situation will make you change your mind about how you feel…But honestly, a lot of the variables I mentioned in this blog are variables that I have experienced; which is why I am editing this blog so read on…

***Warning this is long, but it’s a great read!! So definitely read it when you have the time!! 

People say, the older you get. The chances of meeting someone who never had kids get slimmer. Other people say I’ve waited this long, why should I settle now. But is dating someone with kids really settling or is more of a compromise? He’s a great guy, treats you right, has a promising career and faithful…the one “downfall,” he has a child. What do you do? I am most certainly still on the fence about this.

 

I’m in my 20’s and childless. I have no one to worry about except myself…which mean it’s natural for me to be selfish, which I am well within my right to be. I don’t like coming second to anyone or anything. Let’s just say, when I go to the hair dresser, I schedule myself, for the earliest appointment possible and I arrive 15mins early, so I can be the first one in and the first one out. I don’t want anyone ahead of me. For me dating someone with kids, keeps me at 2nd, regardless of what I do.

 

People say it different kind of a relationship between a girlfriend/boyfriend and a parent/child, but bottom line…”if you ain’t first, your last” ~ Rick Bobby, Talladega Nights. LOL. And trust and believe you will NEVER come first. 

 

I feel this way for lots of reason. Remember the movie Sex in the City? Remember how the excitement of getting married no longer existed to Mr. Big because he’d been through it before? That’s how I feel about someone having kids…that initial excitement of having your first child has already been experienced with someone else. Yea having a baby is always an “exciting” experience, but there’s nothing like the first time, period. And quite frankly I don’t want to hear, “Oh when I had such and such, it went like this and went like that.” There’s always going to be comparison to that FIRST experience, which I had nothing to do with you. I don’t know about you, but I hate being compared to someone/something else.

 

Another thing that doesn’t quite sit well with me is the fact that, there’s this baby momma in the background, that’s always going to have this baby over the father’s head. Not saying all Baby Mommas are evil Bitches, but she cool now because she know her and your child together will always come before anyone, and honestly no one can threaten that at any time and some baby Mommas can be very messy, jealous, petty, immature….

I also believe that some women hold on to their feelings with a man they had a child with a little bit BECAUSE of the fact that they have a child together. Some women don’t want to be just looked at as “Baby Momma” or another statistic. Honestly some women having a baby out of wedlock makes them feel like a disappointment, like they let their parents down (shit some women get pregnant on purpose, thinking it’ll keep a man)…with all those situations, now you have to worry if the Baby Momma is going to come back and ask for a relationship again, because you know baby mommas have NO respect for the new girl. They think they forever have rights to their child’s father whether they are in a relationship with someone else or not.

 

To love someone is to love them and everything that comes with them, but damn, it hard enough being in a relationship with one person, now I got to worry about kids & baby mommas too…I mean I’m always down for a challenge, but really, has the medical world not progressed enough, for you all to get on birth control! Exhale, it’s too much. Especially when you’re in your 20’s and you’re just starting to find yourself and start looking for someone to share your life with, but only to find they are already sharing their life with someone else, whether you’re in their life or not.

 

I think the problem with a lot of people is once they have children they don’t exactly know how to integrate someone new in their lives. Also the own guilt and feel like they’ve failed as a parent b/c the relationship with the mother didn’t work out (and both parents no longer around at the same time, fulltime) gets in the way of their over happiness, and you may find yourself a victim of a mess THEY created.

Of course your kids come 1st in all I do….but you need to have other healthy relationships or you will go insane! If you are going to dedicate all of your emotional and physical self to your kids 24-7, you are going to create very self-centered, spoiled little brats. And no one wants to date someone who has bratty kids. In a few years when your children leave home and have their own lives, you will be feeling very lost…”

 

My initial advice for people who have kids is to date someone who has kids as well. They’ll probably be more understanding and more sensitive to the fact. But even, people with kids sometimes don’t want to date someone with kids. I can understand to some extent because again, it’s all about being number one, and if you have a child of your own and you date someone with kids, you and your child wouldn’t come first either. This is the ultimate selfishness, because it’s like asking someone to hold to a standard that you didn’t. To me it’s the equivalent to asking a man to have a job and car, but you don’t. Huh? Where they do that at??

 

My initial advice for people who don’t have kids…RUN in the other direction!!! Honestly…LOL for all the reasons I been giving. It is hard, a serious challenge and honestly, if your young don’t make that kind of commitment, and once you put yourself in a situation you can’t just back out, especially when feelings start getting involved.

 

Kids get older, attitudes change, yea, they all cute and shit when they little. But let’s be real, think back to when you were in middle, high school…You know what time it is! You know how you and your peers were. The,” You’re not my mother! You can’t tell me what to do! And I need attention”” tactics start kicking in.Who wants to be bothered with that in their 20’s, especially when it’s someone else’s child. Now being in your 20’s, you don’t HAVE to date someone with kids. Maybe if I was like 35+ the pickings are starting to get even slimmer, maybe even down to the bare minimum…But if you do end up in the situation in your 20’s, you have to decide if this is the kind of sacrifice you want to make? Is the person worth it?

 

You know people always ask me, well what if it were you who had a baby and trying to find a date; How would you feel if a guy said he wouldn’t date you because you had a baby? But Sorry, I don’t live my life based on what ifs; I live my life based on what is!!! And what it is, at the end of the day and as vain as it may sound I don’t have a baby. I took the precautions and made the decisions I needed so that I didn’t end up in that situation. So I don’t have to worry about it. If we lived our lives based on what ifs we would still be trying to build fire with sticks. But if I had to answer the question about a guy not wanting to date me because of the sole fact that I had a baby, my answer would be, he’s well with in his right to make that decision. People have to understand, having kids is instant baggage. It’s not a carry-on that you can just toss wherever and whenever you don’t want it.

 

Bottom line, sometimes it’s not the child; it’s the ex you had the baby with. Sometimes it’s both. Being with someone who has kids, their ex will ALWAYS be a part of your life. Yea you may miss out on a great person by not dating someone who has a child, but maybe you’ve also lucked out, and missed out on a having a bratty ass kid around, and a baby momma who secretly wants her baby father back…I’m not saying all situations are bad, but you have to weigh your options a really decide if this is the kind of commitment you want to make. Are you really ready to take that on? To me, you have to be willing and ok with not being at the top of the list. And most women are not ok with (even the ones who have kids aren’t ok with that). MMM, I’m on the fence about this for real. But like I said before, are you compromising your wants to suit other people’s situation? It may sound like your settling, but is it settling if you happy? For most dating someone with kids is a deal breaker. I know for me it used to be. BUT, I’ve found someone that makes ME happy and who I see myself being with in the long run. I have faith that mean and mines will work out. But honestly, if we happen to not work out…would I do it again…most certainly not. You can’t make that sacrifice for everyone…Just the one you Love.

 

So as you can see just because you’re in a situation, doesn’t mean you’ll change your mind about where you stand, you’ve just made an exception for a person you find exceptional…

 

Please leave your comments below, I would love some feedback…

Relationships & Sex

The Dilemma


So it’s been a minute since I written a “relationship blog” and I’ve actually been working on this one for a few weeks, and seeing someone that I am subscribed to talk about this, made me want to finish writing it.

A few months ago (maybe even last year some time…LOL), a friend of mine Dianne (Make sure you go check out her Natural Hair Blog: http://dbld17.tumblr.com/) posted a question on the Facebook:  If you friend’s boyfriend/girl friend is cheating on them, should you tell your friend?  And it got me to thinking, would I tell my friend if they were being cheated on.

Now at first thought I’m like HELL YEA you should tell. Then I really think about, Ok Maybe I should just hint at the idea? I mean if it were me I would want someone to tell me right? Some people think, well if I tell then I’ve just ruined a relationship. If I tell, my friend is just going to think I’m hating or jealous. Now If I don’t tell I am lying to my friend. If I don’t tell then I’m letting her stay in a relationship where someone is just treating her wrong. You know with all the WHAT IFS and conclusion at the end of the day YOUR FRIEND IS BEING CHEATED ON. And quite frankly, if my friend knew and didn’t tell me, I would be pissed; and if my friend told me and I didn’t believe them, then found out on my own, I’m going to wish I listened to my friend. At least as a true friend you did the right thing by telling them, especially if you know FOR SURE their partner is dipping out on them. I wouldn’t go to my friend with an assumption. But regardless don’t you just hate to be the bearer of bad news??

We as women, we drive off of emotion. We have an instinct; we kind of get that feeling when someone is being deceitful to us. Sometimes we confront it; sometimes we are in denial, sometime we need someone to give us a reality check. My point in saying that is, your friend may already know or at least have a feeling. (Now if it is a man, he’s probably completely clueless…LOL…Just joking). The thing about telling a friend something like this, you have to be SURE. You can’t just go, “Oh I saw your boyfriend is cheating on you with this girl in the Mall. It could’ve been cousin, a friend, and aunt, niece. But at the same time, that information may give you friend more reason to question their partner and that just may be just enough to get the ball rolling and have you friend ask questions.

Maybe telling you friend directly isn’t the answer. Have you ever seen that movie, The Dilemma with Vince Vaughn (“Ronny” in the movie) and Kevin James (“Nick” in the movie)? Ronny initially confronts Geneva (Winona Ryder) and tells her to tell Nick about she has been doing behind his back. Of course that plan kind of back fired because she in returned had some dirt on Ronny. In the movie he went to extreme lengths to catch her again, which is way too much stress for the average person, so I definitely wouldn’t recommend that route. However, maybe confronting the person who is cheating may a route to go. It may scare them enough that you’ll tell and come clean to your friend themselves.

Bottom line, it is a very hard position to be in. Whether you want to tell your friend, they their man that you know, keep it to yourself and hope for the best, whatever options you think you have, go with your gut. You may lose a friend, you may not; but do what you think is right. Remeber, your loyalty is ALWAYS to your friend.

As for what I would do, honestly I have no idea. I think for me it would depend on which friend it is. But for the most part I think I would tell…ok maybe just hint at the idea, like, ‘hey I saw your man at the mall with some girl, was that his cousin?” LOL No but seriously, what would you do??

Comment Below

Looking forward to reading your responses…

Relationships & Sex

Quickie: Let Me be you SuperMan!!!


Have you ever looked around and see young men, who have everything going for them; they are educated, on they are on their way to a successful careers and you look to their side and there’s a women with him that has three kids…Why do SOME men, who can pretty much have any woman they want take on the responsibility of “Daddy” at such a young age?? My simple a straight to the point answer…I feel like SOME men have this hero syndrome. They one want to come, swoop down and save the day from that no good baby daddy. All men love to feel needed and what is a better and easier way to feel needed than to date some with a few kids and who is definitely gonna need some help in the end.

Relationships & Sex

Quickie: By: Prostitute or Relationship?


Ok so “Quickes” are new to you all. Quickies are basically are shorter blogs, things on my mind that I want to share with you all really quick.

So I was listening to the radio the other morning and they asked a question, would a woman rather her boyfriend cheat on her with a prostitute or someone they are holding an emotional relationship with? So first of, No woman wants to be cheated on, its WRONG and either way your spending money on someone who’s not me…But let’s say I had to choose….MMMMM don’t laugh, but I’m going to say a prostitute. I’m going to tell you my reason why, Now don’t get me wrong, I have reasons why I wouldn’t want a prostitute either…LOL…and I tell you why as well.

A prostitute is looking for one thing…to get paid. They aren’t looking for a commitment. They aren’t going to try and talk to your man into breaking up with me. When you are emotionally connected to someone, ultimately you’ve been considering breaking up with me for someone else. And if you aren’t, the person you’re cheating on me with is looking for something more as well, and will definitely talking you into leaving me for them. Now if they know nothing about me, then this doesn’t apply of course.

So people may say, well a prostitute you can be exposed to STD’s and stuff. Well, most legit prostitutes use condoms every time, no exceptions for any John. If you think about it the person who you are emotionally connected to is going to be someone that you more than likely have unprotected sex with.

Bottom line: cheating is NEVER OK. But this was a hypothetical question. And if I had to choose sorry to say I choose a Prostitute. LOL What would you choose? Why?

Relationships & Sex

More Money Please!!


What classifies a woman as a gold digger??

Does choosing the man with more money classify you as a gold digger, does choosing the man with less money mean your standards are too low??

Think about it this way, if you met 2 guys handsome, smart, funny, sensitive, caring…except…one makes about 30k, the other makes about 100k; who would you choose? In my head I’m thinking why wouldn’t I choose some who makes good money? Does this classify me as a gold digger…NO…you may ask well why not? If you prefer a man who makes 100k over a man who makes 30k, that’s’ gold digging…No it’s not and shall explain why…

No matter what you say, women are attracted to successful men…Period. It’s a turn on, it’s sexy, it show maturity and dedication. Now there is a VERY thin line between gold digging and wanting more.

Now success doesn’t ONLY mean financially successful…A woman who is real and genuine would know this…A gold digger doesn’t see it that way.

Where I find a woman to be a “gold digger” is when they PURPOSELY and ONLY seeks out men who make large amounts of money and not even hesitate to turn down a man who makes less than what she wants. They feel the need to want someone who they feel can support them. Gold diggers also tend to except a lot and they have nothing to bring to the table themselves. Gold diggers will leave you when times get rough and business may not be going so well. Some may not really care to actually spend time with you unless you’re doing something for them. And hey if that’s how you get down, more power to you. Do you!

But that’s not me. I’ve dated all types of men. The rich ones, poor ones, the, “let me hold $20 till next week.” Ones, the straight up trifling ones are stingy, selfish and needy like a woman. Now don’t get me wrong I see no problem with maybe having a standard of what you would like, especially if you’re like me and have a reason why you avoid dating men who don’t make a certain caliber of money. It doesn’t mean you right off men who are less than what you expect, but you will probably a little more cautious to do so. Like Kayne says, “I ain’t saying she a gold digger, but she ain’t messing with no broke niggga”

Bottom line, a Gold Digger wants you solely for your money. A “normal” woman wants you for you. They want to spend time with you, get to know, split the bill sometimesJ. They are willing to give just as much as you, and at times more. A real woman will see that money isn’t the only thing that makes you successful.

Relationships & Sex

You Ain’t my Momma


I went through my High School yearbook and counted how many classmates of mine that I know for a fact, had kids. About 10% of my graduating class has given birth. That 10% only includes people who I know had kids and don’t included people who I don’t have contact with anymore to even know if they have kids or not…so that percentage could be higher so let’s just scoot that number up to 15% to be safe. Now I fall into the 85% who don’t have any kids. Some of those people who fall into the 85% use to date the people who now fall into the 15% of people who have kids. I wonder how they would feel about dating them now that they have kids. Does someone having kids affect if you would date them or not?

 

People say, the older you get. The chances of meeting someone who never had kids get slimmer. Other people say I’ve waited this long, why should I settle now. But is dating someone with kids really settling or is more of a compromise? He’s a great guy, treats you right, has a promising career and faithful…the one “downfall,” he has a baby. What do you do?

I’m in my 20’s and childless. I have no one to worry about except myself…which mean it’s natural for me to be selfish, which I am well within my right to be. I don’t like coming second to anyone or anything. Let’s just say, when I go to the hair dresser, I schedule myself, for the earliest appointment possible and I arrive 15mins early, so I can be the first one in and the first one out. I don’t want anyone ahead of me. For me dating someone with kids, keeps me at 2nd, regardless of what I do.

 

People say it different kind of a relationship between a girlfriend/boyfriend and a child, but bottom line…if there was a gun to your head and a gun to their child’s head; guess who’s taking the bullet??, which is understandable and the obvious decision. 2nd place is 2nd place no matter which way your try to sugar coat it. And if you think about it, you’re actually 3rd, because now the baby mommas come before you too. Think about this scenario, gun to your girlfriend and gun to the mother of your child…. MMM? Yea I’m dead Bitch…Of course that scenario is the most extreme and hopefully no one ever gets to that point. But I’m just saying.

 

I feel this way for lots of reason. Remember the movie Sex in the City? Remember how the excitement of getting married no longer existed to Mr. Big because he’d been through it before? That’s how I feel about someone having kids…that initial excitement of having your first child has already been experienced with someone else. Yea having a baby is always an “exciting” experience, but there’s nothing like the first time, period. And quite frankly I don’t want to hear, “Oh when I had such and such, it went like this and went like that.” There’s always going to be comparison to that FIRST experience, which I had nothing to do with me. I don’t know about you, but I hate being compared to someone else.

 

Another thing that doesn’t quite sit well with me is the fact that, there’s this baby momma in the background, that’s always going to have this baby over the father’s head. Not saying all women are evil baby mommas, but she cool now because she know her and your child together will always come before anyone, and honestly no one can threaten that at anytime.  To love someone is to love them and everything that comes with them, but damn, it hard enough being in a relationship with one person, now I got to worry about kids & baby mommas too…I mean I’m always down for a challenge, but there’s no comparison when it comes to family and whether I want it not, Baby Mommas are part of the family.

 

Exhale, it’s too much. Especially when you’re in your 20’s and you’re just starting to find yourself and start looking for someone to share your life with, but only to find they are already sharing their life with someone else, whether you’re in their life or not. To me it’s competition, competition with the child and completion with the momma. You want to spend all your free time with your man, but you know you can’t because now their free time has to be divided between you and their child.

 

My initial advice for people who have kids is to date someone who has kids as well. They’ll probably be more understanding and more sensitive to the fact. But even, people with kids sometimes don’t want to date someone with kids. I can understand to some extent because again, it’s all about being number one, and if you have a child of your own and you date someone with kids, you and your child wouldn’t come first either. This is the ultimate selfishness, because it’s like asking someone to hold to a standard that you didn’t. To me it’s the equivalent to asking a man to have a job and car, but you don’t. Huh? Where they do that at??

 

Kids get older, attitudes change. The,” You’re not my mother! You can’t tell me what to do!” tactics start kicking in. Who wants to be bothered with that in their 20’s, especially when it’s someone else’s child whose ass you can’t lay the smack down on…HAHA. Now being in your 20’s, you don’t have to date someone with kids. Maybe if I was like 35+ the pickings are starting to get even slimmer, maybe even down to the bare minimum…But if you do end up in the situation in your 20’s, you have to decide if this is the kind of sacrifice you want to make? Is the person worth it?

 

You know people always ask me, well what if it were you who had a baby and trying to find a date; How would you feel if a guy said he wouldn’t date you because you had a baby? But Sorry, I don’t live my life based on what ifs; I live my life based on what is!!! And what it is, at the end of the day and as vain as it may sound I don’t have a baby. So I don’t have to worry about it. If we lived our lives based on what ifs we would still be trying to build fire with sticks. But if I had to answer the question about a guy not wanting to date me because of the sole fact that I had a baby, my answer would be, he well with in his right to make that decision. People have to understand, having kids is instant baggage. It’s not a carry-on that you can just toss whenever you don’t want it.

 

Sometimes it’s not the child; it’s the ex you had the baby with. Being single and not having any kids, once I break up with an ex, it’s over and I usually have no contact with that person ever again. Being with someone who has kids, your ex will ALWAYS be a part of your life. Yea you may miss out on a great person by not dating someone who has a child, but maybe you’ve also lucked out, and missed out on a having bratty ass kids around, and a baby momma who secretly wants her baby father back…I’m not saying all situations are bad, but you have to weigh your options a really decide if this is the kind of commitment you want to make. Are you really ready to take that on? To me, you have to be willing and ok with not being at the top of the list. Maybe being in at least the top 5 is good enough. Good enough…OOOO, those words just irk me. Why have good enough, when u can have the best. MMM, I’m on the fence about this for real. But like I said before, are you compromising your want to suit other people’s situation? It may sound like your settling, but is it settling if you happy? When you find someone who makes you happy, this will have to be something you seriously think about, once you choose to accept it (or not) you have to be willing to face whatever consequences or chances that may happen,  both the good and the bad, because that’s what it’ll be, something you just have to deal with.

Relationships & Sex

“All I want is you…NOW”


Why is it that after a relationship ends, for whatever reason, the other person all of a sudden they realize they’ve made a huge mistake? They now come back to ask for you forgiveness and a second chance to make it up to you.

I know there’s a quote out there: “If you love something let it go if it is meant it will come back.” But what I don’t understand is, why should I have to let go what I love, just for it to come back? Why can’t people just get it right the first time??

 

Now I’m sure many of us have been in this situation, I know I have, what did you do? Did you take them back? For me, I have in the past, but as I got older I guess you can say I’ve learned not to.

Not because I didn’t think they’ve changed or because I no longer cared about them. But to me, I real man, recognizes a real woman and wouldn’t dare let that go. You know left the door open for someone else to swoop down…

Now I do agree that some people deserve a second chance, but sometimes you can’t rely on that second chance or let people know that you’re open to second chances. So you have to make the best of the situation that is front of you when it’s there. You know how some people say, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity…That’s how I personally look at relationships. We aren’t guaranteed another day, or another chance.

Even though I feel that way, It doesn’t stop me from the “what ifs.” What if I could’ve given him that second chance? Would things have worked out? MMMM…maybe, maybe not; but that wasn’t a chance I was willing to give.

 

To me, once we’re over, we’re over…I am all about second chances, but I am only willing to give those to someone I am committed to and an ex boyfriend looking for a second chance isn’t someone I am committed to. Maybe I was at one point I was, but not now. I mean I guess if you really love someone, you’ll take them back….Right???

I can forgive someone, but it doesn’t mean I have to take them back.

 

Why are there so many games when it comes to love? Is it is so hard for some people to see what they have, when they have it?

 

Do you give second chances when it comes to love???

Relationships & Sex

The Ex Factor


How many of you still talk to an ex? Do you think it’s ok to keep an ex as a friend after the relationship is over? Have you ever felt like, you don’t work well in a relationship, but maybe we’ll just make be better as friends.

My Opinion: I don’t like exes as friends; and by friends I mean someone who you continue to speak to or see on a “regular” basis…Lot of people say, it’s childish or, sometimes unnecessary. But bottom line, how many of you like these words after a break up: “we can still be friends.” You can’t tell me those words just don’t rub you the right way.

To me, if you don’t want me as you girlfriend, you don’t deserve me as a friend.

This is how I look at, if you can really be good friends with an ex, than you didn’t really have feelings for them to begin with. You know I look back and think about guys that I’ve dated, not just boyfriends…and self consciously, If I see them with someone else…I must say I get a tad bit jealous, well not jealous, I just think about what could of have been, what they could’ve had, and oddly I only think about that if I am not seeing anyone seriously. Now if I am seeing someone new, who I am so into, I could care less who or what my ex is doing.

You know I’m saying all this and I’m really not being fair. I do speak to some of my exes personally, but honestly, I won’t nor will I ever choose to make is on a daily basis. It’s just kind of like, “Hey, just making sure you still alive,” type of thing, nothing major, and there are definitely no feelings involved.

Now if you really want to keep someone as a friend after a breakup, you need to keep a few things in mind. For one, give yourself some mourning time. The longer you been with someone the more time you’ll probably need to consider them as a friend. It’s like that saying, “Time heals all wounds.” You may need 2 weeks, you may need 6 months, shit you may need a couple of years, but whatever time you need, TAKE IT! Once you reach that stage (if you ever do) remember KEEP IT PLATONIC!!! No kissing, no sexing for old time sake, no excessive flirting, etc.  Next thing you know, you in a fuck buddy situation () It’ll lead to dangerous grounds and you won’t be able to handle it emotionally. Instead look for love in other places. Date around. You’re now single and back on the prowl, you don’t want to fall back in unlikely routine with someone you’ve already dated and experienced, clearly it didn’t work out, so don’t waste you time think he’s going to change during this friendship. And if he does change, he may not be making that change for you.

Another think to keep in mind is Relationships are nothing without a good friendship. So set some boundaries for your emotions. Talk about things you guys have in common, similar interest. Don’t look for emotional fixes from you ex. If you sad, and wanna cry, sorry to say it…this is not one the friends’ shoulder you wanna be leaning on. Next thing you know you’re in venerable position, trying to figure where all these emotions came from and what just happened; and by any means, NO ANALYZING your past relationship. The whole, what went wrong? Why we didn’t work out? Blah Blah Blah. You should’ve gotten you closure before you took your mourning period…and if you didn’t the you need to wait until you have distance enough to talk about with out getting emotional.

If you at any time start catching feelings, you definitely need to take a step back and rethink this idea of being friends. Sometimes people get back together, sometimes that break is needed, but you need to re-evaluate before you open you heart up to that that door again.  And if you’re feeling something that the other person isn’t, it bed for friendship. PERIOD!

Be friends with an ex, is possible. But for me, it’s not ideal. Maybe if it’s a relationship that was short lived, or not as attached, I may be more open to it…but if there were some real feeling involved, I’m a little weary of that person in my life. I do speak to some, but like I said it’s very limited and extremely Platonic. How many of your exes are you friend???

Relationships & Sex

Passion is Always Needed


Women are emotional & passionate creatures. Men seem to be scared of that sometimes. They are scared of our passion, which always seems to be too much. So my question is: What the Hell is too passionate?

Relationships are hard. Some people don’t care to understand that 2 people are coming together. Together so that we can share ideas, and understand the other person’s thinking as way of life and then finding away to mesh it into one.

Some people grow together in a relationship. Some people grow apart. The people who grow together are the people who understand this concept. People who grow apart who people who basically live with making enough effort with each other to understand each other.

To be in a relationship you can’t be selfish in your own ways. You have to expand and experience your partner’s likes, even if you don’t like it, it’s a compromise. Relationships are all about compromise. People can be so selfish and lose the idea of what a relationship is all about. This is where arguments and fights start. Now don’t get me wrong, people will always have disagreements. But if you see you having the same argument over and over again, you may need to re-evaluate your relationship.

Now back to passion…

Why be in a relationship if you’re not going to be passionate about it? If you’re going to be in a relationship why only give 40-50 percent Now if I going to go out of my way and call someone my boyfriend and basically promise to be loyal and faithfully to him…That’s right I going to give 100 percent. If I didn’t want to give my all, then I would just be single and date around…excuse me if I take being a relationship seriously…If I’m not going to take it seriously, again, Y be in a relationship???

Relationships are 50/50 a , 2 way street…If you’re not willing to let someone in your life then be single, but eventually that shit gets lonely. So if you really want to be in a relationship take is serious, don’t waste your time on someone you don’t see yourself with in the long run, because honestly you won’t put in as much effort to keep that relationship going if you know you have no intention on it going anywhere. If you go hard! Of course you do hold back something…But put your best foot forward, so at least if it doesn’t work out, you know it’s not because you did something wrong and you gave 100 percent into something you care about?

 

Why is it that people can give 100 percent in a career they truly want, but hesitate to give 100 percent to a relationship you truly want?? Both are life changing scenarios and neither one are guaranteed? But why do meaningful relationships get put to the back burner??

 

Real Love calls for Real Passion.

Relationships & Sex

Where ya Ring At???


I’m wondering why is it that when females are in relationships, they put married or engaged as their relationship status when they are neither engaged or married, instead of just putting “in a relationship? Like almost engaged doesn’t = engaged…& almost married doesn’t = married. (FYI ladies just because you’ve been with a dude for some odd years don’t mean u guys are married). Some please explain this miss guided trend going on…

Ok so know that you get the drift…

Why do women do that?

Have women have become so obsessed w/ not wanting to be alone or obsessed with the idea of being married, that every time they get into a relationship they are calling men Husband instead of Boyfriend…I don’t understand…Using the words wifey (and hubby) is just so immature and childish. We are too old to be playing these kinds of games.

Like Hello Ladies, it’s almost 2011! We are much more independent and in some cases, More Successful than our men! Call him what he is…your man, boyfriend, significant other, partner…Anything other than Husband…Like that is a big responsibility that people don’t seem to understand.

If I’ve been dating a guys for 4 years plus, he’s still my boyfriend. I don’t care if we are together for double that…

Until he proposes….When you say yes to the proposal…You are then engaged. and I will call him my Fiancé’…and then, when you walk down the aisle and you both say I do…You are then married and you call him your Husband….See how this works People!!!

There are steps for a reason. It seems like more and more people sre treating marriage like a joke, instead of a lifelong, committed & serious relationship.

Like they say…Why buy the cow, when u can get the Milk for free…and Ladies giving a man this type of power/control over u at your own will is just one of the MANY ways you’re giving the cow away for free…

Being someone’s girlfriend is hard enough. But being someone’s wife should be something that is worked for harder, longer and with much more sacred…

And by the way…these the same chicks singing “Single Ladies”

If u liked, then u should put a ring on it”…

Well, ask yourself this question ladies…Where’s your ring at? He obviously doesn’t need to give you one because you’re calling him Husband without one anyway!!!

GET A CLUE!!

Relationships & Sex

Where is all this going???


Have you started to catch feelings for someone you know you shouldn’t? Or someone you just knew was not into serious relationships? 


This question is mostly to the guys, girls can answer too, but to be honest, as females we tend to be a lot more emotional than guys…

 

When you are just “dating” someone, no commitment or anything like that, it’s just casually dating, how do you not catch feelings for that other person? 

Most female, or better yet any female worth having, after a certain amount of time (which can vary quite often…depending on the intensity or lack thereof, in the situation) there comes a point where that “conversation” comes up. You know the conversation…that awkward conversation about “where is this all going”…like is this leading to a relationship, and if so, when…or if it’s not…do you go your separate ways or just continue until someone gets hurt or too deep involved where they can’t take it anymore and yall just end everything on bad terms…like I think there’s a point in a “situation” where you can speak on stuff like that without the someone’s feelings getting hurt and that’s if your honest about it and how and why you feel a certain way, and move forward with a relationship or just remain good friends…b/c there does come a point where the you have to hit reality and separate from the physical relationship and look deeper…I mean that’s if you looking for a serious or more committed or exclusive situation…even if there’s no title…..

Now if both parties aren’t not looking for a relationship at the time of that “conversation” (which is rare that both parties wouldn’t be looking for a relationship or the conversation would have never came up) then you like I said it can continue on until someone gets deeper involved and attached…especially when sex is involved…but whose ever really looking for a relationship, you go with the flow right…yea but sometimes the waves are more than you can handle…

 

You ever realize after you have sex with someone (GOOD SEX, that is), things change, all of a sudden you become kind of…it’s almost animalistic…like how dogs urinate on a tree, after that they don’t any other dog coming to pee on “their tree” But in actuality, whose tree is it really? There’s no guaranteed that some other spiteful ass dog will come along and pee on it too…right?…Weird analogy I know. But think about for a minute. Just like in real [human] life, just b/c I’m F***ing someone today….doesn’t mean they won’t be F***ing someone else tomorrow…and that has to bother a person to some extent…No one voluntarily wants to share the goods, unless there was some kind of agreement on both parties.

Basically the point of this is to ask 1 thing:

When and/or how soon is the right time to have that awkward where is the relationship going conversation? Or does there even have to be one?

Relationships & Sex

The Fuck Buddy…


The Fuck Buddy…

People always say there’s always that one person you can call when you’re horny, and they will always be there to deliver (if they are available), no matter how long you go without talking to this person…

My definition of a fuck buddy: A person whose personal life you know absolutely nothing about, but instead, you only know them on a sexual level. You don’t go on dates, you don’t talk on the phone for hours asking about their personal lives and you don’t ever see them as a type of person you could ever be in a relationship with. They are just someone who you have amazing sex with. You both understand that it’s only sex and nothing more. Bottom Line: Sex w/ No Strings attached!

Now to be honest, I am totally on the slow bus when it comes to this…I’ve can honestly say that I’ve never had an official fuck buddy. I’m not sure if that is a good or bad thing. For me, I just take sex too serious to just give my sex to someone who I don’t really give too shits about. Like can’t I just enjoy good sex with someone I care about, and maybe even love? However, as I get older, I’ve come to realize no one takes sex as serious anymore. People can now have sex w/ absolutely no emotional connection of feelings towards the other person and they expect the person on the other end to accept that.

Sometimes I wonder, have I had a fuck buddy just didn’t know I was? Like let’s say I’m talking to someone, but no official title, but we have sex, would that be considered a fuck buddy, to me I say no. I mean this is a person I’m going out on dates with, someone who’s company I enjoy whether we are having sex w/ them or not. I don’t just call them for sex, I can call them to hang out, ask for advice, tell them about my day, etc. There’s an emotional connection at least from my end. But there’s the dilemma…I am emotional connected to them, and they aren’t emotionally connected to me. Am I that person on the other end that is catching feelings??  Or did I just subsequently end up in Friends with Benefit situation. (Side Bar: Please don’t confuse Fuck Buddy with Friends with Benefits.  A Fuck Buddy is a friend with benefit w/o the friendship. But that’s a whole other topic, so let’s not go there. J).

To those who have had Fuck Buddies, do you guys have a conversation about what it is and what it isn’t, or is it something that just happen???

You want my opinion? Before a Fuck Buddy relationship is established there needs to be a discussion. There needs to be an agreement between two people. Boundaries must be set. You can’t just “turn” someone into a Fuck Buddy. As Cliché as this may sound, but honest is the best policy. If you just be honest with each other about what you want and don’t want it can only help the situation. At least if someone catches feelings, they’ll have no one to blame but themselves. If you stick to those boundaries, it could work.  The only way a Fuck Buddy Relationship can work is if the two parties genuinely aren’t looking for a relationship and are honest about not wanting that. I guess when someone starts catching feelings is because you over step your boundaries at some point and now you can’t go back…So stick to the boundaries if you want to make a Fuck Buddy relationship work & BE HONEST. Even if you see yourself getting caught up, be honest about that and then it’s probably time you move on. Relationships like this can last a pretty long time, for as long as both parties want it to, which is scary.

If more and more people are embracing these kinds of relationships, what’s to hold for the future of meaningful relationships? Are we just settling?

Relationships & Sex

Money.Power.Respect.


How should a woman act when she makes more than her significant other w/o making him feel like less of a man?  Now, most people would say, well, just don’t tell him how much you make. Which would be quick easy and to the point…But what if you already past that stage…Sometimes you don’t need to tell someone how much you make for them to figure out that you a little more well off than them…

 

There’s nothing wrong with bringing home more money than you man. These days women are become more and more successful, if not more successful than men.

 

The problem is that I always seem to come across with this is, that I always help them when they need it, but I can never bring myself to ask them for help if I need it or if I do ask them (or when I don’t) they can’t or won’t do for me. 9 times out of 10 they aren’t going to have it and if they do have it then it’ll affect them later or maybe they are just selfish.

 Is it just wrong for a woman to help her man at all…I mean if my man needs a $100 or something, and I have it why not give it to him? But at the same time if I give it to him will he will always expect me to have it. Will it become a trend? How often is too often to ask your significant other for help?

 

I had someone in my past make a comment to me the, they said, “You’re never going to let me help you.” Now I don’t know how I should’ve taken that…Like, it’s not that I don’t want or need their help, but when it’s all said and done…you’re not able to help even if you really  wanted to. And quite frankly I just know when I ask for help it’s for something big and I just know it’s too much.

Which I can understand and that is fine, but is me not asking them belittling them or is me asking and him saying no, going to make him feel bad that he can’t help….it’s a sticky situation.


 I don’t want to come off to strong and too independent because I know man likes to feel needed to some extent, but if u can’t help me, u can’t help right???

It’s interesting to me that men say the love an independent woman. But if you act like you don’t need them, it’s a turn off. I guess there is such a thing called being TOO INDEPENDENT.

As a woman you don’t want to push a man away by him feeling less than you or like I don’t need him but also and you don’t want to lower your standards when it comes to your wants and/or needs…

 

There has to be some safe ground, where both parties are happy.

 

Now the easy answer would be keeping it 50/50. But let’s think about this, the money you make, the more money you spend…It’ll never be 50/50. Let’s say a woman can afford some Mr. Chou’s and you guy can only afford TGI Friday’s…should you lower your standards and go to Friday’s and bite the bullet. Now personally I love Friday’s. (Jack Daniel’s sauce is to die for), but on occasion I love dressing up and going to a nice restaurant that is out of the ordinary. I quite frankly I wouldn’t mind paying for my partner, however I don’t want to feel like I am giving more than I am receiving.  Granted a genuine person doesn’t give just to receive, but I mean really, there are some expectations when it comes to a relationship…There’s always going to be someone doing and giving more if you’re in that situation.

 

It’s all about compromise. Sometimes it’ll be him taking you out, sometimes you’ll be taking him out…but really if you’re in a real 50/50 situation, neither you nor the other person will even realize that you’re giving or getting more. Now if you realize that you’re giving more (which is usually because the other person is never giving and always receiving), you’re probably being used PERIOD. My advice if you make more, don’t change up your routine because you’re dealing with someone who makes less. To me if a man sees his woman doing well, it’ll encourage him to do even better. If you see him not changing or trying to grow himself, it may be time s to have a conversation. You don’t want to feel used or unappreciated in any relationship, so you need to find some common ground, even if that means setting some ground rules about your expenses. Hopefully no one’s situation ever gets to that point of setting rules, but if it does you can’t be afraid to put you foot down, because believe me, it’ll only make you unhappy.