“The best way to love is to love like you have never been hurt.”

Since Valentineâs Day is right around the corner I figured I write something that is positive and inspirational for people looking for love, found a new love, or even those who are trying to keep a love burning strong. Even those this is geared towards new relationships, it can relate to everyone, no matter what kind of situation you are in.
Starting new romantic relationships can be tricky. If youâve been single for a while before this relationship, it may be hard for you to incorporate another person in your life. It may be hard for to break habits from a past relationship that you were used to. There are so many things that hold people back from having a successful relationship. Iâve had my share of failed relationships. Some of them were my fault, some of them werenât. But what I can say after dating someone, I always take something out of that relationship and learn from it. They only way to really know what you want and donât want, are through experiences. Of course we all want someone that is loyal, faithful, stable, etc. But how do you get to that point and further if you donât even know how to begin to maintain a relationship. Believe me I am no expert on relationships, but I pay attention and learn from my past relationships to help make my new relationships better. It takes time and it may take a couple of tries and couple of heartbreaks, but eventually youâll get there. I know that I am there yetâŚBut I know I am more than capable of getting there now than before. So I just want to share with you guys some things that Iâve learned and things that I feel can help you maintain a new relationship.
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First things first, avoid game playing (or keep it to a minimum). I know we women love having a man run around and chase us a bit. But letâs be serious, they arenât going to chase you forever and if they do, when you do stop running youâll realize that youâve shouldâve kept running because now you landed yourself a passive aggressive man. Someone you can walk all over. Which when you are look to settle down, isnât someone you want to be with. Playing cat and mouse is cute, but not for long. Stop for a minute and get to know the person. If you start playing games more than likely the relationship will become distorted due to manipulated outcomes, and it will end before it barely began.
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Secondly, Lose the Ex. If there is an ex still around, get rid of them. ASAP. Having an ex in the background, screams baggage, you may not be over them, issues and just a plain out headache. Donât allow tensions with the ex or in some cases a cozy friendship with an ex to be the detriment of your relationship. When you have an ex close by, it is easy for your partner to assume that youâre not over them, or they arenât over you in some way. Most people keep exes around as place holders or just because itâs familiar (or both). But remember, Exes are exes for a reason, and there is no room for them in your new relationship. And if you ex is someone who you also had a child withâŚyou NEED to make it known to them that you are in a relationship, and take a step back from doing those relationship like things that you were still doing even after yall broke up b/c you were single and comfortable. You need to make known not only verbally but also with change in action that you are in a relationship. If you don’t, they won’t take your relationship you are in seriously and leads them to believe they can disrespect your new partner and can possibly cause drama down the line. If you do date someone else when you have child, Understand that is now your job reassure the person you are with that there is nothing between you and them. And reinerate to your ex that you have seriously moved on from them.
Live your life. Just because you start dating a person, doesnât mean you just roll over the next day and stop having your own life. Donât fall into the âtrapâ of sacrificing your own life and neglecting your friends, family or even work, just because you met someone. Having your own life and not instantly depending on your partner gives off good vides that you are independent and personally happy.
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Make time for your relationship. People have a habit of going from one extreme to another. They either are too dependent or have this âYou donât own me attitudeâ *rolls neck, snaps fingers* and seek to carry on with their own lives as if the partner doesnât exist. It is definitely possible to have a relationship, career, family and friends. It is called balance. As a relationship grows, you tend to increase the time you spend with you partner, and if you want it to progress, you need to let your partner in.
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Try and stick to arrangements. If you said you were going to call, then call. Also donât do standing up, or rolling up late all the time. This creates unnecessary tensions and creates insecurity. Be respectful of each otherâs time. Just like you were busy doing something else, they couldâve been doing something else, instead of waiting you. Sticking to plans and arrangements, shows you have a healthy level of respect for each other.
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Get to you know your partner, OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Having sex is great, but if you want a relationship to grow into something more and actually survive you need to be doing more than just laying up in the bed. Spend time just hanging out, talking and building a SOLID connection. This also at the end of the day enhances sexual chemistry.
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Acknowledge and confront any red flags immediately. When we start new relationships we tend to focus on it being new and fresh and everything always seems perfect in the beginning. But TRUST ME when I say that things you fight about (or eventually break up over) are often things that couldâve been easily found out in the early stages of the relationship, if you only had opened your eyes. Donât be afraid to call them out on behavior that you are not comfortable with. A person thatâs wants a future with you will respect how you feel. I have been guilty of this in the past, I get so blinded by everything else and then down the line Iâm like, âDamn I wish I wouldâve known he was like this from the beginning.â But you know what, they were, I just wasnât paying attention. But now, in my current relationship I speak my mind freely. If I donât like something, or I feel that certain behaviors is inappropriate or not to my liking, better believe I am letting it be known. Bottom line is if they donât know you have a problem with something, they wonât know to change it. And if they arenât willing to change it, its time you move on.
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Remember the little things matter. Itâs not just the big gestures, but complimenting each other, phone calls out of the blue just to say they miss you. Remembering that special thing they like to eat and surprising them with it, breakfast in bed. Just be thoughtful. Donât always expect them you bring bells and whistles with everything; quite frankly no one has the time or money for all of that, ALL THE TIME. So learn to appreciate the small things and learn to give a little yourself. Donât just take. Give.
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Be as nice as you really are. Donât pretend to be nicer than you really are, I mean really just be yourself. Donât try and go overboard doing things and saying yes to things, because you donât want to lose the person, because you tire yourself and the real you will come out and they will feel bamboozled. Donât be so much of a giver that you start to feel resentful and start focusing on whoâs giving and taking in the relationship. BE YOURSELF!!
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Put both feet forward! Relationships do not bloom with one foot out the door. Youâre either in or youâre out.
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Leave the drama at the door. I have had my share of bad relationships, but what I have learned is to DO NOT bring that situation into a new relationship. Yes I did say learn from your past, but donât bring that attitude you ended with from your last relationship into your new one. They havenât even done anything. Donât assume they are going to cheat on you because the last person did. If you spend most of your time being bitter, negative and cynical, thereâs no point of you being in a relationship.
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Those are just a few things Iâve come up with.
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Thanks for reading!!
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Follow Me: @TotalDivaRea

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