There is something that I have been noticing about women and it made me question it. Why do some women walk around like there is a ticking clock on their backs? Like the, “OMG, I’m thirty and haven’t been married yet or had any kids!!!” For me, when I look around and see women who have had kids and who have been married; some are still married, some were divorced before they even hit thirty, and they still aren’t happy. Do you feel like you time is running out?? And if it does run out will your biggest regret be that you never had kids or never got married?? I mean really will that be the BIGGEST regret you have?? I am not here to invalidate anyone’s feelings. You feel what you feel. But age does not have to be an indicator of “baggage”.
Talking with my girlfriends the word lonely comes up a lot. In fact, I know people who feel just as alone when they are with a man and/or in a room full of people. If you still end up feeling lonely and filled with insecurity in spite of the fact that you have a man in your life, why do you still feel that having a man, a relationship, having casual relationships, having sex, having attention from these people, having more issues to deal with that result from being involved with these men, is the answer to your problems?
If this is what worked and was a cure for loneliness, companionship and everything else that is going on in your life, why are so many women who are dating or in a relationship, miserable? Why are you expecting different results carrying the same baggage, the same beliefs about yourself, love and relationships and the same relationship habits? When you get negative results from what you continue to actively pursue, you don’t get the right to blame others, the dating pool or a whole host of reasons that you’ve come up with for why things aren’t working out. You are armed with a significant amount of knowledge and you have decided to turn left instead of right. You can’t complain about the results of you own willing choices.
Of course I can sit here and preach about why issues will continue and why you will continue to be unhappy, but only you can make your choice about where you want to go and what you want to do. However, you could meet someone who will tell you till they are blue in the face that you are wonderful, but if you don’t believe it, it won’t make a bit of difference.
If you are not willing to put aside even a few months out of your life to focus on you and clearing out the emotional closet so you can get down to hand baggage and approach men, dating and relationships from a healthier positive respective because you’re too busy trying to “keep up”, there are certain things that you need to do and remember:
- You are choosing your experience and keep in mind that you know very well what the results may be, so take full responsibility.
- Leave you insecurities at the door. While people understand that we come with a certain level of baggage, it is HIGHLY unattractive to be in a relationship where people use that baggage to justify everything.
- It is NOT the responsibility of a man to bring you back to life. Just like you are not responsible to healing and fixing them.
- You cannot be in a new relationship, treating him like an ex, or making assumptions. You need to treat him as you found him
- Leave sex out of it, until you have established a relationship. Sex is NOT love, nor is it companionship.
- Since you don’t trust in you and are unwilling to use your past experience to make real, positive, changes, you are going to have to work out a plan of action and decide you want to play this.
NOW, don’t get me wrong, I do not suggest anyone (regardless of age) to avoid helping themselves first before getting into a relationship, but if you are unwilling to do so b/c you feel like “your time is running out” it will very hard for you to ever be really happy if you aren’t at peace with yourself and you past experiences. For a better life, it requires change. This is often the hardest thing for women to digest; some of us are happier being unhappy.
Change is not easy and realistically, you need to want better for YOU, more than you want a man who doesn’t actually exist in your life yet. If you don’t love you and sit around feeling sorry for yourself, why the hell should someone else see something about you that you don’t?
You will find that while friends and family may have a certain amount of sympathy towards your circumstance, they will get tired too because they knew your complaints when you didn’t have a man, and they know your complaints when you are with him, and actually, not much has changed, like I’ve said before: “If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from within, NOT from a man.
I’ve never been one to stress hard about not ever being married or not having any kids yet. Quite frankly I VERY happy not having those experiences at all at this point. Why not you ask? Because for me when it does happen (if ever) I’ll know that it was because it was something I wanted, and not something I felt obligated to do, or something I did just to keep up with the rest of the world. There is just something about spending some time with yourself, breaking old patterns, rebuilding your life and redefining yourself in a positive and loving context. The grass isn’t ALWAYS greener on the other side. It’s always a nice view from the outside looking in, but once you’re in, sometimes it is not all it’s cracked up to be, especially when you rushed into it with the wrong person, instead of taking you time and being patient.
What are you all’s thoughts on this??