Are you selling yourself short in dating, relationships and in life?
It always amazes me when I see women dwelling on a past relationship; sometimes YEARS after its ended. “You’re behaving like a woman who has no options”.
We as women sometimes act as if your only option is whatever guys you were seeing at the time and believe it is more important to be in a relationship and pursue this feeling of love and validation, than it was to be in a quality relationship. When you aren’t in a relationship, it may sometimes feel like you are just passing time, thirsty to fill up the “vacancy” left by the previous guy. You craved love, strongly seek out validation.
But truth is you are seriously selling yourself short.
I can only imagine how many women have willed themselves to start becoming interested in someone just because that person showed the slightest interest in them, as if you had to reciprocate. This is how you end up in a number of half ass relationships and yawning your way through many dates.
Of course many women won’t admit doing this or some don’t even realize it. But I think the idea of being a girlfriend [or wife] makes women feel like they’ve won something. You sometimes end up in relationships and situations because your desperation to “win” is more important than having an actual meaningful relationship. You don’t even like him anymore, or as much as you probably should or you try to force feeling because you don’t want to be the one that is alone. Most women don’t realize this is happening, ignore that it is happening or are just in flat-out denial.
How much will you sell yourself short in the pursuit of love?
While it’s easy to say that these men (or women, whatever you preference is. ^_^) who take advantage and abuse us are at fault, what we have to realize is that as we are 100% responsible for ourselves, It is us [women] who are selling ourselves short – not them. It is not their job to do better for us than we would do for ourselves. They can’t take, what we don’t give.
Here’s the thing: I know that dating is not as upfront as it used to be and lazy interactions has been enhanced by text, email, and social networking. Many people also are in the mind-set of thinking that there are so many fish in the sea that they don’t need to commit, but when we believe that our options are limited or that we have no options, that limiting belief becomes very real.
Some women act as if they do not have options, not because it was what you intended but because you limit yourself to limited relationships with limited men because you don’t believe you are capable of having a normal relationship. You just don’t believe a normal, healthy guy who acts with love, care, trust, and respect, would want to be with you. You are so convinced, that you will mess it up, they would discover something unlovable about you and all your flaws, and they will leave. “Better to be with someone who was going to leave anyway – I was prepared for it anyway. Right??”
It suits you to think you are unlovable – this is like giving yourself license to be resigned to dating jerks. It meant you could keep them at a distance, cater to the self-fulfilling prophecy, and ultimately never really put yourself out there because you were too busy proving that you couldn’t be loved by people who had a limited capacity to love anyway.
It suits you to think they would leave – It meant that you were never really in it because you deep down expected them to go. That fear of being abandoned. Painful as it was it felt familiar. When they weren’t leaving, you started acting out, and then you could convince yourself they’d leave anyway. You would forget you stirred things up and instead focus on them leaving you because you’re “unlovable” and not because your purposely sabotaged you own relationship.
If you believe that the answer to your problems is someone else, you won’t heed the ultimate message that you need some internal unconditional love to really experience love. This isn’t going to happen as long as you think the responsibility for loving you lies with someone else. That is selling yourself short because you’re offloading the responsibility of your happiness on others and even when you do, you offload it to people who are not responsible ‘relationship drivers’ because you’re choosing people who mirror your negative beliefs. Are you following me so far??
Stop selling yourself short. Whoever they are that are causing you pain, you can do better. When you start working through the beliefs in your head, you’ll see how much your own internal anxiety is limiting you. It’s better to stretch yourself and get uncomfortable so that you do justice by yourself, rather than staying in a comfort zone where you experience limited love, limited joy, and limited happiness.
What can you do for yourself today, tomorrow, the day after that and beyond? It’s very easy to think and talk about what you can’t do, but it’s time to do the harder work of thinking and talking about what you can do. Everything else is excuses that sell you short.