Secret Letters

Fighting for Validation


Dear Fighting for Validation,

I think I’ve said this before…but, “in order for someone to be jealous of you, you must have something they want”

…and unfortunately you have nothing that I want…if anything I pity you. You’re Bitter, delusional & desperate for approval and acceptance. If someone is truly your friend, you are happy for them when they are happy, not act miserable because they are happy. Just because things don’t go your way doesn’t mean you need to throw hissy fits and give that person attitude because they turned you down or whatever the case may be. You say he’s changed because he started dating someone new. Have you ever thought maybe he hasn’t changed he’s just stop living the way you tried to FORCE him to live. Are you jealous of your sibling’s happiness, you mother’s happiness or their ability to move one?? Yes everyone is living their life and moving on, what are you doing? Dwelling on the past and trying to guilt trip a man to be back with you? Your pride will do nothing but leave you in life by yourself. Just months ago you were so-called bragging about your man this and your man that, but where’s that man now?? And where is mine? Yours, no longer exists, for whatever reason. Where is mine you ask? Exactly where you said he wouldn’t be, by my side. So before you go bragging about your 2 minute relationship make sure that shit is official and going to last before you start talking like your relationship is what’s popping, because clearly it wasn’t.

Yes you and my man may share an 8+ year history, but why is that?? BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER!! POINT BLANK PERIOD!! Nothing more, nothing less!!! If there was no child, there would be no you. Of course your delusions won’t let you see that and you family and friends maybe do nothing but feed into your delusions because it’s their job to support you. But then again, no it is also their job to tell you the truth, but maybe they are so used to your negativity they just agree with all your bullshit because they don’t want to argue with you. For whatever reason, it is what it is.

Oh how could I forget about the Marriage! You know someone for 2-3 months got pregnant and then your family forces a man to marry you. But, “if you end up miserable because you listened to your mom, dad, teacher, sister, cousin (whoever) then you deserve it.” I know the first thing you’ll say, “Oh we stayed married for 6 years…” My response, how many of those 6 years were you actually exclusively involved with each other?? When I checked you were legally separate three months after the baby arrived. You were at one point living with and in a relationship with another man for two of those years, no? Fact of the matter is they only people who addressed you as wife was YOUR family. The majority of his friends had no idea you guys were ever married and if they did it because YOU made it known. If some denies marrying someone or isn’t proud to call you their wife, it can’t be something they actually wanted, now can it? If someone WANTS to be with someone, they have no problem (or shame) telling anyone. Of course, because you have so much pride (and he is a push over and pretty much feels obligated to make you feel better about you guys circumstance) he entertains ever being married to you around YOUR family so YOU feel OK. So Yea I give you that, yall were married, but I what cost? Of course your happy about (or at least pretend to be) it looks better and works better for you it did absolutely nothing for him.

But of course your proud of it because it makes you feel that your aren’t like the rest of them. I am never one to judge, whatever you all did it the past is what it is. But realize it is the PAST. Don’t expect to dish some shit out and me not respond because unfortunately for you I fear no FEMALE and I speak my mind uncensored, especially after I’ve already be disrespected (more than once). You can’t expect to talk shit and not get a response can you?? Especially when I didn’t even bring drama TO YOU to begin with. Your put shit in an open forum like Facebook, and think no one will see it, funny thing is, the stuff I know you’ve said didn’t even come from there…Maybe you need to re-evaluate your circle of friends or be careful who you vent to about OUR relationship. Which WTH are you venting to anyone about OUR relationship anyway…and I’m the one that’s jealous?? o_O With the shit you have in your closet, one would think you would curb you judgements against other people…but of course in typical bitter, selfish, miserable woman fashion you just cant help it. You can’t stand to see someone happy when your not. So you’d do anything to make their life miserable even if its your so called “best friend”.

Grow the hell up, and move on already. Yes, it’s hard, yes I know you don’t want to be alone, but if you need to disrespect another woman, or disrespect your so called friend, or guilty trip someone to get what you want, is it really worth? Do you continuously want to live you life forcing someone to do something? “A forced commitment does NOT carry the same weight as a commitment that is given freely.” Think about that. Don’t you think you deserve someone who will give you something, anything without the feeling of obligation but instead of pure want and desire?

You say you all are best friends but how is someone your best friend if you are NEVER supportive when they are in a relationship?? Or you make it your business to always come out of the wood works and make a scene because you see they are happy with someone other than you. If you are “friends” with someone, when they come to you and confides in you about a problem in their relationship, it is your job to JUST LISTEN, and give THEM your advice (IF asked for) it is NOT your job to go to the person they are in a relationship and give them your two cents about what you think they should be doing or how they should act in THEIR relationship! They aren’t fucking you, so they don’t care about what you think! But you know why you just can’t listen and just be there for them as a FRIEND?? Because YOU ARE AN EX FIRST and BABY MOMMA SECOND and can’t let go of the past and actually move on with your life as far as relationship goes. So as soon as the opportunity presents itself to possibly run a woman off you take it. I’ll tell you this…I’m not FORCING him to be here, he’s here because he wants to be here…I don’t have anything to hold over his head, or guilt him in to being with me, like you have. So even if he’s thought about being back with you at some point, for whatever reason or another he didn’t take that chance. And there is a reason for that. Friendship [between the two of you] may be in there somewhere underneath the Ex and Baby Momma but if friendship isn’t first, it doesn’t genuinely exist.

You are a miserable, bitter woman who will continue to end up alone. That is if you don’t change your ways and get a life of your own. Your life will always include him in it because you guys share a child together. You don’t need to continuously seek validation; your validation speaks through you all’s child… Like you said you guys have an 8+ year history. If he wanted to be back with you, I think he would’ve made that decision already, but if you’re willing to sit around waiting and hoping he’ll change his mind, go right ahead…you have a long, tiring life ahead of you, which will take a toll you, that’s if it hasn’t already, and will also start to a toll on your child with your unhappiness, if it hasn’t already.

Asking MY MAN questions, does not make me insecure it make me…HIS WOMAN! Understand, whether you like it or not, I’m going to ask WHATEVER the HELL I want about WHATEVER the hell I want, so that I know WTF I’m getting into for MY own good. IDC if you think something is not my business, at the end of the day…IT IS MY BUSINESS. I am his other half at this point and probably will be for a while (possibly forever). It is MY job to look out for myself and if knowing where you guys stand and you alls relationship as parents is something I want (and need) to know, I’m going to ask, so don’t think that it’s NOT my business, I’m well within my right to ask WHATEVER the FUCK I want!! It’s not my concern to ask questions YOU think are appropriate for you.

I am NOT going anywhere, your relationship/parent-ship with my man, DOES NOT threaten me nor do I envy it, because unfortunately that’s NOT the life nor the type of relationship I want with ANY man. You manage to get pregnant after two-three months, have to force a man to marry because you were pregnant, and get divorced all before the age of 30. MMMMM…I think I want better. No, I KNOW I want better and have every intention of getting better. So if anyone is jealous you may want to take a look in the mirror. Now let me make it clear, I’m not judging your past, but don’t think you have a right to come at me and throw shit in my face and judge OUR relationship as if your life is PERFECT and think I’m just suppose to sit quiet. You are in NO position to judge what goes on in OUR relationship. Keyword is “OUR.”

Sincerely,

The one being fought for…

Closing Quote: “Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good and what is not won’t. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If the don’t, you must realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you….Always fight until you can’t anymore. and then, be fought for.” ~ Unknown

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