So I wanted to post this last week, but I got so tied up with Life…LOL…
There is one question that I always get asked that bothers me to the core…It seems the older I get the more frequent I get asked this question. It’s one of the most annoying questions I get asked these days…“WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO START HAVING KIDS??”
Umm, did I miss something…last time I checked being single, unmarried and with child is something that I generally frowned upon…Did I miss the Join the Baby Momma train and don’t worry about getting married memo??
I am sorry but there is so much more to life than just being a mother and a wife. There’s building a career, traveling, just enjoying life, with no strings attached. Not saying I don’t want to have kids or want to be married, but to me, one comes before the other; and marriage for me comes first…having kids come second, if at all.
I look around and see all these women/men having kids, with no ring on their finger and just walk around like they are really married, but never actually making an official commitment. Ladies what is this telling men?? “All I have to do is get her pregnant and she’ll be happy without me having to actually marry her.” Then women are just going around calling these men their husbands, when all they really are, are their baby daddies. Have women just learned to settle for a man isn’t going to marry them? Have the desperation for women to get married, lowered women’s standards to settle on being a baby momma??
No disrespect, but just because you have a baby by someone, doesn’t make them your husband. Quite frankly, most women (minus the few who have challenges in that area) can lie down and give birth; it’s not a magic trick. If I wanted to have a baby right now, I could easily get pregnant and have a child of my own. But to me building a close bond with someone and building a foundation, that doesn’t involve anyone else but you two and putting in time to have a solid future, takes way more work…Having unprotected sex doesn’t. Having a relationship that that solely started and continued because you had a child with someone isn’t a bond because there was true love there, but it’s a bond that was built around a child and if that’s what your relationship was built on, it won’t last too long. A realtionship of circumstance never does…
Now I am not knocking people who do have kids out of wedlock, but I am knocking the people who think having a child = marriage. IT DOESN’T, like I’ve said before…when you do your taxes, you still do them alone & check the single box; you don’t check married, you don’t checked divorced…I am a firm believer in calling it what it is…I mean why “perpetrate a fraud” I can understand some women’s shame in ending up in the Baby Momma category, but that doesn’t mean you have to lie about it. I mean honestly, you knew what it was when you laid down. It always boggles me when people act surprised they got pregnant (or got someone pregnant). I mean you have unprotected sex, you weren’t on birth control…I mean what did you expect to happen?? Did you cross your fingers and hope for the best??
I respect single mothers, single mothers who keep is 100 that is. My mother didn’t marry my father. She always stayed honest about it, she didn’t walk around using his last name pretending they were married. Or go out and leagally changed her last name with out actually getting married, just so everything “looked” good on paper. My mother didn’t try and conceal us from the realities of our world. Which honestly for me, it was best; staying honest has always been something I take pride in.
Now going back to the question of, “When I am going to start having kids?” All the reasons I stated above are the reasons I DON’T have kids right now…Mainly because I am NOT married and I have no intentions on being someone’s baby momma. Sorry, but being a baby momma and accepting a Faux Marriage is NOT for me. I see what being one is like. I see how dating if things don’t work out with the father, and I wouldn’t want to put someone else through that. It is a very difficult situation. I vowed to myself, that when (or if) I decide to have kids, it will be with someone who I have already committed myself to and have already started to spend the rest of my life with. Right now, I prefer to stand out from the crowd, than blend in and fall into being a statistic.
So they next time you see someone and you are thinking of asking them, “When are they going to have kids,” stop and take a look at the fourth finger, left hand…If there is nothing there, chances are, that’s the reason they don’t have any kids. Even though I don’t want to be asked, “when I am getting married either,” it is the less of two evils, I guess. I am only 26; I am in NO RUSH, to have kids. Even if I were married right now, I still wouldn’t be in any rush to have kids…This is a decision of A LOT of young, unmarried women, and quite frankly we don’t like being questioned about it because last time we checked, being a single woman without any kids is a good thing, and something that is clearly becoming a rare luxury.
Hopefully after this, this will put rest to this annoying, redundant question…From now on when someone asks me this question, I am just going to give them that Madea blank stare…