Relationships & Sex

The Dilemma


So it’s been a minute since I written a “relationship blog” and I’ve actually been working on this one for a few weeks, and seeing someone that I am subscribed to talk about this, made me want to finish writing it.

A few months ago (maybe even last year some time…LOL), a friend of mine Dianne (Make sure you go check out her Natural Hair Blog: http://dbld17.tumblr.com/) posted a question on the Facebook:  If you friend’s boyfriend/girl friend is cheating on them, should you tell your friend?  And it got me to thinking, would I tell my friend if they were being cheated on.

Now at first thought I’m like HELL YEA you should tell. Then I really think about, Ok Maybe I should just hint at the idea? I mean if it were me I would want someone to tell me right? Some people think, well if I tell then I’ve just ruined a relationship. If I tell, my friend is just going to think I’m hating or jealous. Now If I don’t tell I am lying to my friend. If I don’t tell then I’m letting her stay in a relationship where someone is just treating her wrong. You know with all the WHAT IFS and conclusion at the end of the day YOUR FRIEND IS BEING CHEATED ON. And quite frankly, if my friend knew and didn’t tell me, I would be pissed; and if my friend told me and I didn’t believe them, then found out on my own, I’m going to wish I listened to my friend. At least as a true friend you did the right thing by telling them, especially if you know FOR SURE their partner is dipping out on them. I wouldn’t go to my friend with an assumption. But regardless don’t you just hate to be the bearer of bad news??

We as women, we drive off of emotion. We have an instinct; we kind of get that feeling when someone is being deceitful to us. Sometimes we confront it; sometimes we are in denial, sometime we need someone to give us a reality check. My point in saying that is, your friend may already know or at least have a feeling. (Now if it is a man, he’s probably completely clueless…LOL…Just joking). The thing about telling a friend something like this, you have to be SURE. You can’t just go, “Oh I saw your boyfriend is cheating on you with this girl in the Mall. It could’ve been cousin, a friend, and aunt, niece. But at the same time, that information may give you friend more reason to question their partner and that just may be just enough to get the ball rolling and have you friend ask questions.

Maybe telling you friend directly isn’t the answer. Have you ever seen that movie, The Dilemma with Vince Vaughn (“Ronny” in the movie) and Kevin James (“Nick” in the movie)? Ronny initially confronts Geneva (Winona Ryder) and tells her to tell Nick about she has been doing behind his back. Of course that plan kind of back fired because she in returned had some dirt on Ronny. In the movie he went to extreme lengths to catch her again, which is way too much stress for the average person, so I definitely wouldn’t recommend that route. However, maybe confronting the person who is cheating may a route to go. It may scare them enough that you’ll tell and come clean to your friend themselves.

Bottom line, it is a very hard position to be in. Whether you want to tell your friend, they their man that you know, keep it to yourself and hope for the best, whatever options you think you have, go with your gut. You may lose a friend, you may not; but do what you think is right. Remeber, your loyalty is ALWAYS to your friend.

As for what I would do, honestly I have no idea. I think for me it would depend on which friend it is. But for the most part I think I would tell…ok maybe just hint at the idea, like, ‘hey I saw your man at the mall with some girl, was that his cousin?” LOL No but seriously, what would you do??

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Looking forward to reading your responses…

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