Relationships & Sex

The Ex Factor

How many of you still talk to an ex? Do you think it’s ok to keep an ex as a friend after the relationship is over? Have you ever felt like, you don’t work well in a relationship, but maybe we’ll just make be better as friends.

My Opinion: I don’t like exes as friends; and by friends I mean someone who you continue to speak to or see on a “regular” basis…Lot of people say, it’s childish or, sometimes unnecessary. But bottom line, how many of you like these words after a break up: “we can still be friends.” You can’t tell me those words just don’t rub you the right way.

To me, if you don’t want me as you girlfriend, you don’t deserve me as a friend.

This is how I look at, if you can really be good friends with an ex, than you didn’t really have feelings for them to begin with. You know I look back and think about guys that I’ve dated, not just boyfriends…and self consciously, If I see them with someone else…I must say I get a tad bit jealous, well not jealous, I just think about what could of have been, what they could’ve had, and oddly I only think about that if I am not seeing anyone seriously. Now if I am seeing someone new, who I am so into, I could care less who or what my ex is doing.

You know I’m saying all this and I’m really not being fair. I do speak to some of my exes personally, but honestly, I won’t nor will I ever choose to make is on a daily basis. It’s just kind of like, “Hey, just making sure you still alive,” type of thing, nothing major, and there are definitely no feelings involved.

Now if you really want to keep someone as a friend after a breakup, you need to keep a few things in mind. For one, give yourself some mourning time. The longer you been with someone the more time you’ll probably need to consider them as a friend. It’s like that saying, “Time heals all wounds.” You may need 2 weeks, you may need 6 months, shit you may need a couple of years, but whatever time you need, TAKE IT! Once you reach that stage (if you ever do) remember KEEP IT PLATONIC!!! No kissing, no sexing for old time sake, no excessive flirting, etc.  Next thing you know, you in a fuck buddy situation () It’ll lead to dangerous grounds and you won’t be able to handle it emotionally. Instead look for love in other places. Date around. You’re now single and back on the prowl, you don’t want to fall back in unlikely routine with someone you’ve already dated and experienced, clearly it didn’t work out, so don’t waste you time think he’s going to change during this friendship. And if he does change, he may not be making that change for you.

Another think to keep in mind is Relationships are nothing without a good friendship. So set some boundaries for your emotions. Talk about things you guys have in common, similar interest. Don’t look for emotional fixes from you ex. If you sad, and wanna cry, sorry to say it…this is not one the friends’ shoulder you wanna be leaning on. Next thing you know you’re in venerable position, trying to figure where all these emotions came from and what just happened; and by any means, NO ANALYZING your past relationship. The whole, what went wrong? Why we didn’t work out? Blah Blah Blah. You should’ve gotten you closure before you took your mourning period…and if you didn’t the you need to wait until you have distance enough to talk about with out getting emotional.

If you at any time start catching feelings, you definitely need to take a step back and rethink this idea of being friends. Sometimes people get back together, sometimes that break is needed, but you need to re-evaluate before you open you heart up to that that door again.  And if you’re feeling something that the other person isn’t, it bed for friendship. PERIOD!

Be friends with an ex, is possible. But for me, it’s not ideal. Maybe if it’s a relationship that was short lived, or not as attached, I may be more open to it…but if there were some real feeling involved, I’m a little weary of that person in my life. I do speak to some, but like I said it’s very limited and extremely Platonic. How many of your exes are you friend???

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