Photos of the Day

Self Love Photo Shoot – Photo of the Day

To follow up from my last post. Here are the phots from my “Self Love Photo Shoot”

I felt super pretty this day and confident. Even if it only lasted a few hours…I’m glad I did it.

Shout out to my bestie for talking me into this! She did a great job & has been a great support system for me.

Relationships & Sex

I Broke ME by Believing in Something that wasn’t real…

So I’ve posted some pics on Instagram they other day and I felt the need to give some explanation about the theme and why I took the pictures, especially since they are private now…So No, you can’t go there anymore and see them…BUT I will post a few of them them here on my blog in a few days, but first some back story. In honor of Mental Health Awareness, I guess take this post as a “Journal Entry.” Because it is something that has been weighting heavy on me.

So for the past few months I’ve been feeling down, I don’t want to use the word depressed, but that may be the feeling. I’ve been Feeling like I was not enough and/or what I am looking for in a relationship is unattainable. No one is to blame for my feelings, except for myself. Yes every time you have an encounter with a “love interest” you visualize what your life could look like with that person…that is normal (at least I think it is…it’s normal for me). Sometimes you visualize and you don’t see it fitting in your life the way you want, and sometimes you see it fitting perfectly. I’ve experienced both side of this over the past 9 months (but I’ll explain the “not fitting” at another time)

So obviously I am not going to get in to detail with names or anything. But I will give a specific scenario:

I met this guy back in July 2020. Literally we hit it off after the 1st date, honestly after our 1st few conversations before meeting. I felt like we were on the same page about dating with a purpose. He was weird, funny, awkward, just seemed amazing. I felt myself really liking him…now from my experience…the more you show a man you like them, the less he’s attracted to you. Now my showing someone I like them isn’t like “effort” so to speak, it’s just something natural that takes place. So I brought this up to him, I probably didn’t explain it best…but that was the point I was trying to make, I said something along the lines, of “I don’t want to get too attached to fast, so it may feel like i’m pushing you away b/c I know how it is when a I show too much interest.” NOW DON”T GET ME WRONG, probably saying this to him was a bad IDEA, and I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth…nonetheless, he got highly offended and instantly got mad, and said “Is this why you are single” and “you call this dating with a purpose” Honestly, looking back, his reaction should have been a red flag for me…However, we decided to move forward with getting to know each other.

Long story short…the more interest I showed, the less interested he seemed. I don’t mean in a chasing way…it was more like I’m naturally thoughtful, Like if I FW you, I FW you. Which in hindsight…probably wasn’t the best way to be….I guess. I mean he literally would point out if I answered my phone too fast, or text back too fast…I can’t win…Men like to chase, but then I meet guys who get annoyed it I take to long to respond…So whether I do one or the other…I end up getting the shit end…Nonetheless we did talk everyday for HOURS (I mean 5-10+ hours straight a day). Weekends, not AS long, but definitely everyday…

Now there were things that happened in between, on his side from family things; deaths, diagnosis, etc. Alot was/is going on for him so I was understanding to that, but I also realized after a few incidents that the level of communication of being able for ME to express myself to that person was no there. I felt like If I said anything that was remotely not positive, it got shut down as if I were trying to start an argument…so I was kind of walking on eggshells…When I did ask him like what are we doing her said, “he’s not really ready for a relationship right, right now….Blah Blah Blah…Then he would say things, that maybe he was indirectly trying to tell me something, like he would say things like, “The woman I want, doesn’t want me right now.” Not talking about a specific woman but in a general sense of him not being ready for a relationship….which was odd in a way b/c when we met his outlook was on the lines of “I’m looking for a wife.” I felt like his tone about relationships changed all together, like he didn’t even believe in relationships anymore, almost like he didn’t even believe in love at all…It almost felt like he became pessimistic about idea of relationships all together.

I could say that his change of heart is a direct result of what he was going through with his family…b/c I’m not going to lie…It was ALOT of deaths…I think 3 (or 4) in a spam of 6/7 months since I knew him, plus a CLOSE family member being diagnosed with Cancer…So he definitely had a lot going on from when I met him…But as most people would say…the “with you is silent” Maybe he didn’t want those things with me.

I guess apart of me was thinking & maybe even convinced myself well I know it’s not sexual b/c we haven’t been intimate (except kind of this one time a few months in…and when I say KINDA, I mean KINDA for real), and we talk pretty all day everyday, how would he have time to talk to someone else, but anything possible right. Maybe he liked me as a friend, but was afraid to say just that. Whatever the case is, he didn’t want a relationship with me (either at that time, or at all).

At the end of the day, I just remember the final minor incident, I can’t even call it an argument, b/c I wasn’t upset, but he seemed to be, and I honestly don’t know why. Even though he said he was not, but after that day he pretty much stop calling me and reaching and I haven’t heard from him since…SO, I guess you can say he ghosted me. After a few weeks of feeling like WOW! After all the time we’ve spent talking, for hours you couldn’t even give me the decency to say, “hey, I need to take a step away from you.” I’ve realized after a couple of months, that he actually didn’t respect. He didn’t respect me as a woman, he didn’t value me, he didn’t take me serious, he didn’t actually care me, he didn’t care about how I feel.

After that I really stared questioning myself…my worth…what I actually deserved….Which I HATE!!!! Now don’t get me wrong I am not perfect, there were probably somethings he didn’t like about me or maybe didn’t like how I did somethings, but I wouldn’t know b/c he never told me…So I really can only go on assumptions honestly. I can’t force someone to open up and communicate, especially with someone who thinks anything you say that is not positive is trying to start an argument.

I am not saying I am giving up on Love, but I honestly think about how dating is now and how men and women think now, it totally different from who I am. And unfortunately I am not interested in exchanging more of my personal business (nor creating a soul tie) with another man just for it to end up in his conversation with another women he’ll meet after me….

SOOOO as you can see, I was pretty down about this particular situation…cause if I’m honest, I thought he could be the one…I’ve literally put up a wall again…SO I’m literally was back in a headspace I didn’t plan on being in again…Disappointed…and Like Time Wasted…I never wanted to have that feeling again after ending a 8.5 year relationship. I am not blaming him at all, because I allowed my time to be wasted, which in turn made me disappointed in MYSELF…I know better, I’ve actually manage to stay single for this amount of time, b/c I didn’t allow people to waste my time…but I had let my guard down for this one, made him an exception…not cause he asked me to, but I honestly thought he was worth it….SO here I am after that experience and I left me feeling I guess feeling DUMB AS FUK, being loyal to niggas who at the end of the day see you either as disposable and/or a soft ass/push over.

To bring it home, those photos IDK just made me feel confident and just reminded me why I started this. I Love the woman I’ve grown into over the past 10 years…I know I am a lot stronger in many ways (and recognize I am still weak in others). There’s always going to be some tweaks to be made but I know I don’t JUST bring a pretty face & sex to the table, Even though apparently dudes don’t care about that…but then all the ones I’ve met always saying otherwise. So who really knows…

Shout to my Bestie for talking me into doing this, because it definitely made me feel better. I am calling my “Self Love Photoshoot” Even if it made me feel special just for the day…I will post a couple of the pictures this Friday.

Let me know if you guys liked this post I want more “Open Journal’ type post! I think it would be fun to do every once in a while!

Random/Updates/Rants, Relationships & Sex

Mood Rant!!!

I had this conversation a while ago w/ myself…and people keep talking me out of that feeling…but ppl keep proving me right…

I’ve come to realize that I just may not be relationship material anymore…for the new wave of dating…not b/c I’m an ass hole or a jump or anything of that nature…but (here’s the kicker) because I am consistent…attentive…caring…adaptive…I listen…selfless…make the effort…need I keep going??? I’ve come to realize that shit is a waste of my time/energy…cuz it is no longer something people even value…they question me why I respond so fast, why you answer when I call so fast…why you do something for me I didn’t ask you to do…people want YOU to wait just in case something better comes along for them…wait until they figure out what they want…wait until they get their lives together…(even people who don’t like the “new school” dating, they don’t even realize they’ve adapted this new version)…I’m old school…I like you…you like me…we vibing…we have chemistry….we click…we laugh…I’m all in, and don’t want to risk losing you…everyone has no problem losing people they actually care about, being that they have so much pride and scared to be vulnerable…or you point out one thing…they think there is this whole big issue…like damn LISTEN!!!!! stop going off the deep fucking end everytime I mention something…people can’t take any criticism anymore…if I’m trying to teach you what I NEED to feel love and you think I’m mad…it’s like you AREN’T LISTENING!

Or if that person just isn’t it…tell them and let them the fuck go…don’t text them to call them & then be confused when they catch feelings…like if you don’t like them and see a future with them…BYE! They told you what they were looking for…A RELATIONSHIP! If you are no longer looking for that BYE!!!

STOP SIGNING UP FOR SERIOUS DATING SITES IF YOU AREN’T READY!!! Log on to Tinder and POF if you just looking to BS around and stop wasting people’s time who actually looking for something serious and KNOW they want something serious!!! And wasting people’s time who was willing to put in the effort b/c they feel you are worth it…there SITES & People out they who are looking for that…and that is actually EASIER to find…stop wasting people’s time who wants a relationship!!!!

I could’ve been left the fuck alone!!!

Yes I am single and no I’m not interested in dating anymore…my heart really can’t take anymore disappointment! đź’”


Little Red Riding Hood Wolf Attack – Look #2


Halloween Inspired Makeup – Look #1


Fall Ready Makeup

Products Used:

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 18

Today’s Topic/Question: Do you feel like you’re doing what you were born to do??

Day 18!!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

Do I feel like I am doing what I was born to do? I feel so attacked.

So I think I was born to be a creative. Even though I am doing things that showcase that, I know I am not doing it to the capacity that I should and want to.

I always tell myself, I am constantly striving to to build and grow that side to make a a full-time thing…so to answer the question…NO…LOL

But I’m working on it…

What were you born to do…are you doing it?

Day 18 Down!!!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 17

Today’s Topic/Question: What are seven things that make me happy?

Day 17!!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.


  1. My daughter for obvious reasons…LOL That’s my girl!! Literally my heartbeat đź’“
  2. Filming YouTube videos, I know weird…I feel like it makes me happy cause I am able to be super creative.
  3. Doing My Makeup. Kinda same reason as above…plus it’s just relating.
  4. A Clean House/Space…Literally I am OCD! You can eat off my floors…LOL I hate coming home to a dirty house, and I hate waking up to a dirty house…
  5. Getting a Good Morning Text for the person I want.
  6. My Direct Deposit Hitting! *insert happy dance here*
  7. A 3-Day+ Weekend

I am super basic I know. Simple Things make me happy…I have alot more, but I stuck to the task at hand and sure some of those things will come up later posts.

What things make you happy?


30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 16

Today’s Topic/Question: What are you thankful for?

Day 16!!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

So obviously I missed posted yesterday, but don’t worry I’ll be posting twice today to catch up. Yesterday was super long and super busy at work, then had a long nail appointment after work, Yall now how new sets go! LOL I was soo beat! So yea SORRY! But let’s hop into this topic.

First and foremost, I would say my obviously my daughter!! She is like such a blessing in my life. She’s taught me patience and what honestly the closet thing to true love I will probably every feel. I can only hope I take of her so that she is ends up being decent human being in this world…LOL

Secondly, My MOMMA!! LISTEN!! I can do a whole post about her alone. She is my rock! Literally! She has save me from falling sooo many times….she’s picked me up sooo many times when I actually fell flat on my face. Not to mention she is has taken on keeping my daughter until next year. A much needed break!! THANK YOU!

Lastly is my friends! Shoot that could be a whole other post in itself. They annoy the shit outta and are there for me at the same time! LMAO!! Doe that make sense…To me it does and to them it does as well! HAHA! They are my actually one of my life lines, and unknowingly talked me off the edge, I can’t even express how much I love them and quite frankly need them. As much as I like my peace and quiet, every now and again it’s nice to have them around.

What are you guys Thankful for? Comment down below, so things/people you are Thankful for!

Day 16 Down!


30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 15

Today’s Topic/Question: Brain DUMP!

Day 15!!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

For Those who don’t know what a brain dump is, here a quick Definition: “A brain dump is simply the act of dumping all the contents of your mind onto paper as one might dump the contents of a purse onto a table. You” are spilling out stressors, your nagging thoughts, your pesky annoyances, things to do, etc.

Halfway through this 30-day challenge, I feel like a brain dump is in order!! LOL After thinking about and writing about things you haven’t thought about in a while or in detail…it might have brought on some other feelings, ideas, etc. So figured today would be a perfect day to do some brain dumping…depending on the tone of this brain dump (angry, sad, reflective) might I also add a suggestion, plan a song/album that you usually play when you are in that mood. My tone is a little mad/irritated/annoyed…So just so you guys know I am playing the The Notorious K.I.M. Album!! Specifically the song Suck My D*** LMAO! Just so yall know where this is headed. Obviously I am not going to use names…

All I ask for is communication! If you are no longer able to do what we were doing, say that. A simple, “Hey, I can’t do this right now, fall back.” WORKS! Yes it hurts but at one point I was living my life without you and was doing just fine…So it’s not that deep. We ALL have things going on. So I understand, but the NO COMMUNICATION, NOT Responding…I can’t tolerate. Yes so there’s that. Men really have to get this macho macho thing out of their head and actually learn to vocally and effectively communicate. Just like y’all can’t read our minds, we can’t read y’alls either.

I had someone tell me Men can’t deal with women’s emotions when they are on there period…I also had that same man tell me, that I act like a dude…So you don’t like when I act like a dude, but don’t like when I am actually emotional (as women are)…SOOOOO…where exactly on the scale do you want me…cuz….OH OK! Makes no sense to me.

Another thing that’s been annoying men who think ALL women are dying to be MRS. ANYONE!! Sorry I am not desperate to just anyone’s wife. I’m good. I want someone who I WANT…and someone who WANTS ME as much I want them. Like I CAN’T settle for anything less. I love the feeling of someone sweating me and vice versa and neither one of cares the other is doing so. So yea, I guess a lot of people are built like that anymore and everyone wants everyone to chase (Male or Female) but at some point SOMEONE gonna have to let up.

Ok business wise, I REALLY need to focus on my Shop and YT Channel..I think we sometimes get so wrap up in our jobs…we forget our dreams…And I really can’t get wrapped up in thinking THIS IS IT! Cuz it ain’t Bro..Like I just can’t!! I I hate it HERE!! Literally. I actually can’t stand my “job” Yes I helps pay the bills, but I’ve never disliked a job like this ever! So yea, Reanell You need to focus and get back on the ball. Be more consistent and do the things you need to get out of this, because this is ridiculous! Like seriously, you have no idea how much I leave this place annoyed AF almost every damn day when I leave…My meditation sessions are getting longer in the evenings because it is taking me longer to calm down. I am not built for this kind live of clocking and clocking out…Like this is GHETTO!!

What are you Brain Dumping today?

Day 15 Down!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 14

Water draining at sink background. Water flowing drain in washbasin

Today’s Topic/Question: What drains my energy?

Day 14!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

What drains my energy is shoot life! HAHA! But I guess if I need to be specific, my main job. Which is weird because it not extraneous, but It is mentally exhausting. Listening to patients talk about there health issues ALLL DAY is exhausting.

Not to mentioned the fact that this job is a WASTE OF MY TALENTS!! That’s exhausting in itself. I feel like I’ve actually been emotionally drained recently. Being an empathI tend to feel all the feels of people around me. Wether they are close to me or not, but more when they are close to me. There’s a lot going on with the people I care about, so I am feeling it all and they don’t even know it. And they don’t need to know that I am feeling it. This is usually when I go back to one of my self care routines, usually the trip to the park and crying it out is the help to that.

I also find it draining to not be able to express MY feelings, which is kinda odd because it’s also draining when I express my feelings….It’s the the release is draining and the holding it in is draining. I think the holding it part is draining because I am thinking about the person I probably need to express it to and thinking about how they are going to react to it. The release is draining for obvious reasons, because I tend to keep things to myself longer than I should…

Lastly WRITING THIS IS DRAINING…LOL Just kidding! What drains your evergy?

Day 14 Down!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 13

Today’s Topic/Question: Create a Meme And Begin with, “One day I’ll meet a guy/girl. And Ultimately, he’s/she’s going to find out,…and End With…”He’s/She’s STILL Going to Love Me.”

Day 13!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

This one is kinda fun! Confused about what to do…He’s mine:

One Day I’ll Meet a guy. And Ultimately, he’s going to find out, how I eat, how I smell after coming from the gym. How my face looks under makeup. How much I love watching Youtube videos over regular TV. How much I love building things and being creative. How I love Seafood. How I can be clingy at times. How Rita’s makes me really happy. How cranky I get when that time of the month is coming, and how horny I am once it’s here. How I think every picture I take I think you can see my “lazy” eye. He’ll know I need then to take a candid photo here and there for me to post on my Instagram. He’ll understand sometimes I might not be able to be on the phone all day because I am focused on work, and need to focus. How I sometimes like my alone time, even if we are in the same space. How I sometimes just like to be in their presence & not need to talk. How I wake up every morning and meditate and zone out even the sound of their voice. He’s going to know EVERYTHING about me. And you know what? He’s STILL going to love me.

Finally Product:

If your BOLD ENOUGH…Now post it in your stories on Instagram and/or Facebook!

I’m not bold enough YET!! But when I am I will…

Day 13 Down!!!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 12

Today’s Topic/Question: My Top favorite places to go for me time!

Day 12!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

So Ima be honest this ai cop out post! LOL Don’t get me wrong, it was on the list…but I only picked this one for today, because I know I know I am going to have a busy day and this was going to be a busy day, and I didn’t want to get too deep, honestly. (just ot be transparent, tomorrow might be a busy day as well…LOL).

My top favorite places to go:

  1. Washington Square Park (NYC) This became one of favorites a few years ago when I did my maternity shoot. I just Loved the environment and the landmarks. I nice place to pop a squat and read, listen to music, people watch, etc/. It’s also pretty close to Blue Ribbon.
  2. Which brings me to location # 2 Blue Ribbon. If you don’t what Blue Ribbon is, it’s pretty much a dope chicken spot in NY. I Love IT! I mean what else can I say. I should just but NY just say in general. I love going to the NYC in general, Manhattan, Brooklyn, Harlem to be specific.
  3. St. Croix, for obvious reason. My mom is from there, and I have a ton of family there. Plus it’s a beautiful, chill island plus the amount of beaches ad waterfronts I can sit at and just write…is endless!
  4. I like going to ANY park! Literally either walk around it, or pick a spot and sit in my car. My recent favorites have been Echo Lake Park, or Warnaico Park.

I know y’all were expecting maybe some destination type places, but for me when I am I am looking either for peace and Me Time, I want places that bring me calmness and happiness…..Maybe next time I’ll do a post on places I WANT to travel to….What do you guys think. What are some of you favorite place to go?

Day 12 Down!!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 11

Today’s Topic/Question: What would I tell my future self?

Day 11!!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

Maaaannnnnn….OK. So I guess it depends on where I am in life in the future…LOL But we gonna be positive and assume I am where I wanna be or on the right track to get there. I guess the first thing I would say is YOU DESERVE THIS!! I think sometimes we get to place of peace or happiness we start questioning, do I deserve this? Wether it’s a form of Love or Success, or whatever. YES!! I do! This is actually something hard for me to understand at times. I would also say, keeping going! To me we are always growing & learning. If you stop either one of those you become stagnant. And that is not something I want. Since I crave adventure and excitement I know this is something I will still be doing and seeking. I mean I may be a little more tamed but…still need to level of mystery going.

Also I would say, don’t forget to reach back. Bring others (that you trust) with you. I always want to keep in mind that YES, I want a level of success, but I also want that for my friends and the people that I love. And if I get there before them I have the means to help them in there goal (not financially…let’s not get carried away here), but maybe now I have access to a world they didn’t, I can now reach back and bring them with me and expose them to maybe things they needed but didn’t know how to reach them. SHARE the knowledge is what I am saying.

I don’t know what else I would say. Stay Strong. Stay Focused. Remember Take time for yourself when you need it.

That’s honestly all I can think of at the moment…What are somethings you’d tell your future self? Leave them down below so I can read them and get some more ideas!!

Day Eleven Down!!!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 10

Today’s Topic/Question: How do you take care of yourself?

Day 10!!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

This question is so fitting for me today. Cause the universe is really messing with my emotions. I know about the Mercury Retro, but this Mars Retro (especially in Aries)!!! FIX IT!!

But there are some rituals I do for some self care. One I did last night was go for a drive…And if you know me, you know I HATE driving. Sometimes I drive to a destination, usually a park, if not maybe just drive around until I get annoyed that I behind the wheel…LOL A park is the best destination for me though (or a water front). LOL. Sometimes I just sit and think, which usually ends in me crying, or Marco Polo-ing friends for support.

Also Another thing I like doing, is self grooming…That can be from anything, like doing my hair, doing my makeup (This is probably #1), also maybe waxing my legs, or doing my Brazilian. Matter fact need to wax my legs soon!!! HA!

Another thing I like to do is work out. I feel like that’s a given though for a lot of us. I know a lot of people work out to relieve stress, but I work out because I don’t want a big stomach!! The stress reliever part is just an added bonus! LOL So i’ll take it.

Lastly, Meditation is also a BIG part of my life!! Lighting my incense and/or candles and just sitting down and clearing my mind completely. When it comes to meditation I can completely zone out, and not hear ANY noise. Like, I have to set an obnoxious alarm to snap me out of it.

Also, I could obviously say journaling, but I think that pretty obvious!

I think when I think of taking care of myself, I think of doing things to either release emotions or Keep you mind from wondering. It’s gets very difficult to do self care, because life can get in the way and you get distracted. But you gotta take those moments. Even if it is for 30 mins a day or every other day. Shoot sometimes you need it multiple times a day…TAKE IT! Some days, weeks, months will be worse than others.

What are some ways you guys take care of yourselves?

Day Ten DOWN!!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 9

Today’s Topic/Question: What do I need less of in my life?

Day Nine!!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

SOOOOOO…this might come off like a little bit of a rant…but I mean a journal is a release right?? What I need less of in my life? Let’s start with this, Inconsistency. It’s the Inconsistent men for me! I feel like we end up in these dating scenes and there’s always this whoever I want doesn’t want me and whoever wants me I don’t want them…LOL Or if we want each other the timing is just off! Like what in the world? Are we just made to settle for whoever loves us more than we love them? Is that a relationship? I guess I can’t settle into that mentality, which at times make me feel like am I just meant to be in the single world life. IDK, I felt like I met someone who is EVERYTHING I was looking for, then life happened to them, and I guess what we had going on got push to the back burner. Which his life circumstance, is definitely UNDERSTANDABLE. But I was kinda looking forward to having someone I can talk to again, hang out with again, someone can I call when I was lonely, someone I can cuddle with, someone when I am sick I can call to be there for me…you know…those types of things. But I’ll be patient for now, but at the end of the day, we all have our needs/wants. And I don’t mean sexually, I just me a sense of intimacy. But I understand his situation completely, so he has little rope.

I also need less stress. But I don’t really know how to avoid that! I feel like right now it’ll stressful to some capacity. I mean more Money wold help with my stress which I am working on soo, stay tuned.

The funny thing is I don’t keep a lot of what I don’t need in my life. If I feel like a something is draining, I usually just cut it out of my life. Like I can say negativity, drama, etc. But I cut those out usually as soon as it becomes too much. The only reason these 2 are on my list, is because they are either something I can’t control, or something I can understand. Again everything gets a LITTLE rope but we all have our boiling points.

I really wanna talk about what I need more of…LOL Maybe I’ll save that for tomorrow or a future post…LOL

What do you need less of in your life?

Day Nine Down!!!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 8

Today’s Topic/Question: What are your weaknesses?

Day Eight!!

I’m going to hop right into this one. No disclaimer needed since it is just a list…I’m late on my post, but I’m here!!!

Disclaimer: DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

My weaknesses!! Muscles & Cute Smiles!!! HAHA! Just Joking, kinda! I have a lot! I’m just going to try and stick to like two cause we can be here all day.

The first one that comes to mind is I feel like I am weak for people who need healing…does that make sense? I feel like the empath in me always attracts people who have there shit together, then something happens in their life that may be traumatic/dramatic and I feel the need to stay and see them through it. Not saying that is a totally bad thing, but it usually end with them exiting my life, making me then feel used until they are “better.” I am cautious of who I do it to now, but it’s like those thing happen AFTER I’ve already built some kind of connection to them. So now I feel a sense of obligation.

The second one I can think if is my ability to SAVE! Jesus fix it!! LOL Like I feel like I am not able to EVER save for anything!! Like when I buy things it’s not because I saved for it, it’s because I had the money at the time I thought about it…Like I wish I was just able to have a savings in general. Like for emergencies, I watch all these videos about saving and I am like ALL last one of my dollars is accounted for and being used for something…So HOW? People always say live below your means, shit I mean unless I am living in my car or walking to work IDK how much lower I can go…LOL This can’t be real life! Like I said in one of my previously posts. I a would love to reach a place of financial independence, but I just haven’t figured out the right formula for MY situation.

What are your weaknesses?

Day Eight Down!!!


30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 7

Today’s Topic/Question: Describe yourself in 10 words.

Day Seven!!

I’m going to hop right into this one. No disclaimer needed since it is just a list a fa quickie…I’m late on my post, but I’m here!!!

  6. KIND
  8. MOODY
  10. LOVING

How would you describe yourself in 10 words…Ima be honest thinking of 10 was hard AF!

Day 7 Down!!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 6

Today’s Topic/Question: Something you need to tell someone negatively affecting your life

Day Six!!!

DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. It’s RAW here ok! Thank you.

I won’t obviously disclose the name of this person. But I think I would just tell them, that open communication is the best policy with me…When you are open with me I am more understanding. When you become distant with me because of things going on in your life, some times it’s ok, to just go, “hey, I can’t really work on what we were working on because I have a lot on my mind right now and I can’t prioritize you.” So you give a reason and I can understand and move on and redirect my attention…But being ALL in one day, the all out the next, is a HUGE issue for me and give me a bad taste in my mouth.

But I guess I take on some of that blame, because I honestly know better. I guess the ultimate issue isn’t with you, it’s with myself. Trying to figure out when to let go and when to give people time & space…I am an all or nothing type of person, so I just learn how to decipher when to do what & I don’t think I’ve figured that out yet.

Who’s affecting you negatively and what would you say to them?

Day 6 Down!!

30-Day Blog Challange

30 Day Self-Reflection Online Journal Challenge – Day 5

Today’s Topic/Question: What is one thing you want to approve about yourself? Why?

Day Five!!!

You know the deal!! DO NOT comment on any grammar issues during these 30 days…I don’t grammar check when I write in my physical journal and I won’t do it here. I am keeping everything RAW here! Thank you!

To start, I would like to improve on my financial independence. I’m not awful with money. But I feel like I can always be better at managing my money better. My goal is to have less financial stress. I feel like everytime I reach a certain level of some sort of financial comfort, something in my life just goes in disarray, so my goal is the become financially prepared for the “disarray.”

I like talking to different people & just listening how not only how they spend money, also how they pay bills, how they save, investments they are in. It gives me in sight and just teaches me. Especially when listening to someone who is in a different working class as me. It is quite inspiring and motivates me.