Forgiveness and closure is something that many struggle with, myself included. Often it is because it feels like the other party involved “need” to be in agreement about our perception of things and to acknowledge where they went wrong. When there are unanswered questions, because they disappeared, moved on or passed away, and it feels like they just don’t get why we are so angry and hurt and unable to move on. It can feel like we’ll never get past it. What I’ve learned about forgiveness and closure recently, is that you definitely don’t need to gain agreement from the other party about your perspective on things. My own acknowledgement and validation travels a very long way. Moving on is a decision, a choice.
Forgiveness about the decision to let go. After you make the decision to forgive and let go, you have to honor it with the actions to support it. Sometimes we don’t consciously say, “I let go” and instead, we get on with the business of living, we nurture ourselves, we process our thoughts, feel all of our feelings even when they hurt, and one day realize that we fell less about something than we did before and we are in the process of letting go or have let go already. Whichever route you choose to take, the point is to stop holding it so closely. If you keep staring at something, revisiting, reliving it, if you don’t work through your feelings and gradually start to draw conclusions and learn from the insights gained, it just develops into something that drowns out perspective.
It is more important to forgive yourself. Letting go is about deciding to be “done” with something no matter how much more information or change you COULD seek. You have to ask yourself why you are devoting your life to expecting someone to change, feeling bad about the fact that they haven’t, and putting your own progress on hold in the process. You feel like, “I can’t move on until I get the answers that I need and they show remorse,” which is nothing but a declaration of a dead-end. Truth is, you CAN move on, you are just CHOOSING not to.
While it would be nice to gain agreement on how we see things, to get our feelings validated, and to get acknowledgement of where they have wronged you, not getting them doesn’t have to be the end all be all. You have got to learn to trust you own judgment.